What you’re about to read is classified information. Some of these secrets we learned ourselves. Some we learned from friends and family. Some of the better ones we bought from The Illuminati and The Freemasons.
What you’re about to read is classified information. Some of these secrets we learned ourselves. Some we learned from friends and family. Some of the better ones we bought from The Illuminati and The Freemasons. Now they are all in one place so you can learn them and become the Chipotle Messiah you were destined to be.
1. The Extra Meat Cheat
If you go to Chipotle regularly, then you know they will charge you out the ass for double meat. Unless you’re a Sneaky Sally and do as follows: After they put the regular scoop of meat on your burrito, say “Can I have just a littttllleee bit more meat?” It’s important that you raise your shoulders and look innocent. Twenty percent of the time they’ll tell you that extra meat means extra money. But eighty percent of the time they’ll give you ¼ scoop of meat for free.
2. The Double Bean Trick
The standard at Chipotle is one scoop of beans. That’s because you never knew you could ask for both! This is CIA top secret shit. When you ask for both black and pinto beans they’ll try and give you half a scoop of each, but it usually ends up being ¾ of a scoop of each. Now instead of one scoop’s worth, you have one and a half scoops worth. System HACKED.
3. The Burrito Bowl Free-Food Frenzy
When you order a burrito bowl, they will give you shit for free. What do you want? Chips? Ask for it and they’ll give it to you. Taco Shells? Ask for it and they’ll give it to you. Mouth kisses? That one is untested, but ask and they might give it to you.
4. The Super-Packed Burrito Secret
This trick taps deep into human psychology to bring you a bigger burrito. After you’ve chosen your meat and rice, it’s time to ask for your secondary ingredients. Don’t ask for your ingredients in one sentence (i.e. “I’ll have hot salsa, corn salsa, sour cream, and cheese.) Instead, ask for your first ingredient and after they’ve finished scooping it on your burrito, ask for the next one. Why? Because when you ask for ingredients one at a time, they often think the ingredient you’re asking for is the last topping you want on your burrito. When they think it’s the last topping, they’ll give you bigger scoops because they’re trying to make the burrito look full and finished. If you’re trying to add some weight to your burrito without paying extra, this is the way to do it. This secret is tried and true by ourselves and a select number of stingy college students.
5. The Salad Dressing Maneuver
If you’re looking for a new flavor to mix in with your usual burrito, order a side of salad dressing. It’s free of charge. Pour little dabs of it over your burrito as you eat. It’s dank as fuck.
6. The Hot Sauce Option
Don’t settle for putting just Tabasco on your food. There are plenty of other hot sauce options in the sea. Ask for a side of sour cream and mix it up with Tabasco Chipotle to create a cool and creamy hot sauce. Not for you? Instead, grab one of the free lemons by the drink station and mix it in a little container with the green Tabasco. When all else fails, bring your own hot sauce from home. For a burrito, Cholula hot sauce is highly recommended. Keep a bottle in the glovebox of your car. It will come in handy more times than you think. (i.e. 2am fast food runs).
7. The Money-Saver’s Burrito
If your wallet is feeling light, spring for a cheaper burrito. Any burrito with fewer than four ingredients should be charged as 2 dollars cheaper. The good news is you can still get a great tasting and filling burrito with four ingredients. With this knowledge, you never have to go to Taco Bell again for cheap Mexican food. (Unless it’s 2am, and “Drunk You” NEEDS it).
8. Go to Qdoba Once In a While
Chipotle is the God of quick burrito joints. Qdoba is a false God and should be smote with Tabasco firestorms. That said, you should go to Qdoba once in a blue moon to remind yourself how good Chipotle really is.