Wait, too drink to keep dranking?
Drinking is fun, but how do you know when to cut yourself off?
Here are a few simple ways to know when to pump the breaks so they don't have to pump your stomach.
1. You've had a private, "You can do this" conversation with yourself in the bathroom mirror
You made eye contact with yourself for a full minute.
2. It's 3:30 a.m. and you've just sent your ex this text message sequence:
"I'm learning to play the drums."
"Suck a fuckman's dick, Charzard."
"Tag, not it."
3. You've convinced yourself you want to own a bar because you just really love the atmosphere
"Let's just get all our friends in on it, I think we could do something really great."
4. You tip the bartender in hundreds
The service was professional, please accept this 4,000 percent tip.
5. You've started accumulating "bathroom friends"
The bond you've formed by peeing near each other will last until death do you part.
Survey says 9/10 Facebook friends you don't actually know are bathroom friends who you met six years ago while complaining how few bathroom stalls were in the bar, but now it looks like they're getting engaged in Vienna!
6. When you're kind of excited the cops pulled you over because you studied for this test
"I have the right to remain silent!"
7. When you insist you're comfortable on your friend's couch
"No, no this is how I sleep at home."
8. When your “Sweet Caroline” to “BAH BAH BAHH” loudness ratio starts to get out of hand
Go home, nerd.