He was just trying to make a nice marinara.
A heroic 28-year old man named Andrew Alemao has been taken into custody after authorities say he threw tomatoes at Donald Trump's face during a campaign stop in Iowa City.
Trump was giving a speech when Andrew emerged from the crowd, armed to the chin with, get this, two juicy tomatoes. He had half a mind to stop this Trump train in its tracks, and nothing derails the train of a maligned presidential candidate like tomato goop in their toupee-thing.
It was very Shakespearean of him. But alas, his aim was not true and he didn't even graze the aged orange candidate with his flying nightshade.
A fantastic idea to try for the future though, no? Maybe next time we can get Peyton Manning to do it? That guy knows a thing or two about tomato sauce (thanks, Papa John's!) Doesn't have to be him, but at least someone with an arm?
Yung God Andrew, who is now America's daring darling, was taken into custody by the Secret Service immediately after his attempt at saving mankind from itself.
He was charged with disorderly conduct, and will either have to pay $625 for his charity, or spend 30 days in jail, where there will presumably be no tomatoes.
Interestingly, Andrew wasn't the only one down to destroy the reality TV star; Trump's speech was interrupted numerous times by protestors who for some reason prefer the free world not be presided over by a man who's main credential is "large asshole."
Anyway, thank you Andrew Alemao for your service. When you get out of the can, trust that we'll be waiting with a whole vine full of fat beefsteak tomatoes ready to take 'em down. Praise.
Leave a Reply