For every awards show artists names can be switched out like Mad Libs with the newest and hottest tween stars at the time and it'll embody the same effect. They always contain that perpetual blueprint of excessive monotony in the music industry. How they continue to amass respectable ratings is beyond rational comprehension, but then again, a lot of things happening on this planet are – music being the least concerning.

So you want a breakdown of last night’s American Music Awards? Here, it’s easy:

  • Lorde did something weird, and everyone thinks it’s creative
  • Multiple cameras cut to Taylor Swift about fifteen times of her awkwardly dancing and singing along to performances
  • 5 Seconds of Summer is still trying to pass itself off as a rock band
  • Katy Perry won a bunch
  • Bleona Qereti showed up nude so people would pay attention to her
  • Iggy Azalea threw shade to Eminem because apparently it’s 2002?
  • Selena Gomez is overplaying the Justin Beiber breakup and its borderline pathetic
  • Meanwhile the actual people behind all of these artists went unnoticed and underappreciated, however, they’re still collecting a massive paycheck
  • JLo and Iggy rubbed butts against the FCCs wishes, and nobody cares

                                                                                                 -The End

For every awards show the words in bold above can be switched out with the newest and hottest tween stars at the time and it'll embody the same effect. They always contain a perpetual blueprint of excessive monotony in the music industry. How they continue to amass respectable ratings is beyond rational comprehension, but then again, a lot of things happening on this planet are – pop music being the least concerning, of course.

The Grammys, at least in theory, should be the one music award that holds merit. The winners are determined by members of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences; so there’s firepower and actual expertise behind the votes. It does, however, seem outright sketchy of how the popularity contest moves forward. We’re sure the actual music is low on the list of priorities when members choose winners each year.

It’s a high school "who's-who" contest, nothing more, nothing less.

And the AMAs? Give us a break. It’s quite literally every 14-year-old girl deciding which artist gets the accreditation based primarily on an act’s social media status or fan engagement. Nominations are loosely based on sales (but honestly, who’s buying music right now?), airplay (which we all know radio is just one huge commercial for large labels), activity on social networks (because every full time working 30 year old has the opportunity to thumbs up everything Beyoncé does?) and video viewing. 

There couldn’t possibly be a more skewed representation of worthwhile music in our big beautiful world of possibilities. It’s heartbreakingly minimal, actually.

But it’s pop. Let’s not take this stuff too seriously. Pop is the flushable sanitary cloth of the music industry and has changed little from the 1950s. To be as widespread as is, there are psychological formulas producers follow in order to garner the most listens from a tune. Science proves this. Its main action is to be as broad and familiar as possible.

Ever wonder why there’s a horn line in Macklemore, Iggy and Swizzle’s songs now? It’s the power of repetition. We get attached to something and it becomes comfortable later on. Pop knows this, pop uses this, pop has mastered this.

So when you’re out jamming to “Dark Horse” in your car or have the sudden urge to “Shake It Off” in line waiting for an overpriced child-labor coffee, think of this: You’re being duped. You’re part of an ongoing psychological experiment that exists solely to make a few people lots and lots of money. Pop music is a downright scam.

Sometimes being duped feels good though, so don’t try and stage a revolutionary coup just because you can belt out the entirety of “Drunk In Love” without shame. Go with the flow, understand the absurdity of it, don’t support artists you feel you shouldn’t support and carry on.

That’s really the beauty of pop. It can be enticing, a release, emotionally charging and mood enhancing. There’s really nothing fundamentally wrong with it and it isn’t really damaging anyone in the process of its culture-defining reign. But let’s cut the shit of calling these artists “Singers of the Year,” “Artists of the Year” and “Favorite” anything, because in the end music is subjective and gathering data on which artist have been pushed the most by the money machine is embarrassing to the accomplishments of all musicians.

If any coup should be enacted, it should be against the system in charge of music; claiming to be tastemakers and demanding everyone abide to what they shovel into young impressionable eardrums. And the award for "Best Revolutionary Cultural Overthrow" goes to … Everyone Who Didn't Buy a Pop Album! That would be an awards show we'd get behind.