Is a hot dog a sandwich?

There are a lot of schools of thought on this sensitive topic and they are all wrong. I’m basing my answer on visual cues and saying, if anything, a hot dog is a taco. If I bite into something and there are toppings or condiments facing the heavens, then it can not be a sandwich.


Do I need to wear earplugs at shows?

Nah. Hearing is overrated. I never wore them and now I’m deaf AF and life couldn’t be better. Now I don’t have to listen to random people’s conversations about how many Subtronics shows you went to this year or what your favorite pashmina is. Now when people try to talk to me at shows I just smile and toss in a couple “Yo that’s crazy’s!” and wait for people to stop talking to me. It’s bliss.


How do you ask your boss for a raise?

I say, nothing hits like a classic, so I would put together a strong PowerPoint presentation. Make sure to include average industry pay in your area, and maybe toss in some average cost of living charts mixed with some cancellable photos from the company Christmas party for good measure. If that doesn’t work, tell them that Westword offered you double what you are currently getting paid! Sorry boss!


The world is ending, what song are you listening to as you fight the zombies?

Nothing would get me more pumped up to fight for my life like the timeless and triumphant sounds of: “The NBA on NBC Theme, by the legendary John Tesh. Fun Fact: It’s also on my “sex playlist.” If you’re not familiar, I suggest you look it up right now. You’re welcome.


What is the ideal temperature to set your thermostat at during the winter?

Well I like it at around 69° but my girlfriend likes it at 77° so we compromise and set it at 69°. Because she doesn’t pay my Xcel bills.


Can you really hear the difference between WAV and mp3 files?

Yes. And anyone who tells you that you can’t should not be trusted. To put it in terms that are easy to understand, mp3’s are like Pizza Hut and WAVs are like Goomba’s. HA! You thought I was done shouting out Goomba’s last month but nope. Boom. Seamlessly slid it in. Again… call me Goomba’s.