Yeah, you read that right: Aurora. Aurora. The poor man's Commerce City. The Un-Boulder. The once-murder capital of Colorado.
A new study conducted by BetterDoctor.com has found that Aurora, Colorado is the fittest city in the nation.
Yeah, you read that right: Aurora. Aurora. The poor man's Commerce City. The Un-Boulder. The once-murder capital of Colorado. Aurora.
Yeah … that's fucking nuts.
Aurora is not only a certified food desert where there's very little healthy food available, it's also home to one of the highest crime rates in Colorado and the nation. It's crime index is 18, which means that 82 percent of U.S. cities are safer than it. In fact, in Aurora, you have a 1:241 chance of being the victim of a violent crime, like oh, bloody murder in the first degree. For that reason, there's not a lot of people, say, doing pilates in the park.
Maybe people are so fit there it's because they're always running away from people who are always running after them? Or people cook their meals at home because the only places to eat are 37 Del Tacos? Or people beef up to create a bulletproof vest out of muscles?
Of course, parts of Aurora are beautiful. There are a lot of parks. There are some restaurants that aren't Arby's. And, Aurora has one of the highest immigrant populations of any city in Colorado, and if there's anyone who knows how to be healthy and not-fat, it's non-Americans. But can we all agree that you don't exactly move to Aurora for the healthy lifestyle?
Regardless of whether people are fit out of fear, healthy conditioning fro other countries, or some other confounding reason … it's still Aurora that looks best in a bikini. To find out this thoroughly astonishing fact, cities were ranked in terms of park spending per person; park acres per 1,000 people; percentage of people at a healthy weight and percentage of people who say they have exercised in the last 30 days.
Aurora came in at 75.21 points, ahead of No. 2 San Francisco at 73.56 and No. 3 Oakland at 72.29.
Denver ranked the sixth-most fit with 70.50 points.
Texas had the highest unfit cities, probably because everything there is the size of a meteorite and you have to drive anywhere.
But Aurora … Aurora is the belle of the ball. Also, where the hell is Boulder on this list? Get your shit together, Boulder. You can't wear all that functional exercise gear and rock climbing shoes with individual toe holes if you're not gonna make the Top 10 list. Drop and give us 20.