How come Australia gets all the adorable scandals? Not fair … 

So in America, our corruption runs deep. Our government spends billions on bailouts, wars and secret programs — and the newspaper is a relentless black hole of sadness. 

On the other end of the world, though, scandals are just cute as a button. There are people pissed about overspending and corruption, but it's all over how much the government spends to arrange koala-hugging sessions. 

Why can't America ever get a scandal like this? Come on, universe. Not fair. 

Australia's opposition Labor Party launched a "Waste-pedia" booklet and Waste Watch website on Thursday, accusing the coalition government of over-lavish spending — including $400,000 on "koala and other marsupial-related events."

"This government is obsessed with hugging koalas. We've had $400,000 which included (foreign minister) Julie Bishop paying $133,000 to fly four koalas to the Singapore Zoo," opposition minister Pat Conroy said outside parliament.

"She spent I think it was $130,000 taking diplomats to Western Australia where they hugged wombats for a change — so at least they changed up the marsupial."

God, that thing is adorable too. This is all they have to be pissed about down there? 

"(Prime Minister) Tony Abbott … was talking about tackling Vladimir Putin, but in the end he spent $24,000 on letting him hug a koala," the report also said. 

That settles it. We're moving down under when Trump wins.