"These TPS reports will have to wait. It hasn't rained all month!"

Venezuela is in the midst of a full on energy crisis and is running low on electricity. To combat the problem, Venezuela’s president has decided that government employees will work only two days a week. Because it’s not like government employees do much down there anyways. 

The country’s 2.8 million state employees have already had Fridays off for over a month to try and quell the shortage, but that didn’t do anything to save electricity. So the obvious solution is to have them work Mondays and Tuesdays, only. Though state employees will be working just two days a week, the lucky bastards will still receive their full salaries.

Does anyone know if the Venezuelan government is hiring writers that don’t speak a lick of Spanish?

Venezuela’s electricity problems come from the fact that over 70 percent of the country’s power comes from hydroelectricity. Which is nice … when it rains. Hydroelectricity really, really sucks during a drought though, like the one ongoing in Venezuela. Right now the country just can’t produce enough electricity until the skies open up and piddle all over it like a dumb lap dog.

This two day workweek scheme is just one of many things the government is doing in an attempt to save energy. Earlier this month, the president urged women to stop using hair dryers because they use too much energy. Which really blows (or not blows?) for women, but are hair dryers really a factor in the energy crisis? You know, instead of the widespread corruption in Venezuela?

For the second year in a row, Venezuela ranks first in the world for economic misery. Of all industrialized nations, Venezuela is by far the worst off economically and blows countries like South Africa, Greece, and Ukraine out of the water. Which is funny because most of these problems are the result of there being no water in the first place. 

Critics say that the two-day workweek makes absolutely no sense because people will just use electricity at their homes on their days off. In response, President Maduro told people to stop using logic and hairdryers. Because hair dryers are really fucking everything up for everyone.