…For legal marijuana, that is. That's because despite the statewide legalization date of January 1st, legal weed won't be available in Boulder until February or March at the earliest.

If you live in Colorado, and you smoke weed, you're probably pretty excited about January 1st, the day that recreational weed goes on sale. But if you live in Boulder, January 1st will just be another New Year's Day that you wake up, hungover as shit, and have to call your creepy dealer "Xtreme" to get a bowl.

That's because while the rest of the state reaps the benefits of legal reefer, Boulder residents will have to wait until February, March, and even April to buy the recreational stuff.

That's because for some ungodly reason, Boulder isn't even accepting recreational licenses until January 2nd.

Making matters weirder, business that want to "co-operate" (sell medical and recreational weed under one roof), have to wait until January 21st to even apply for a license. Co-operating businesses will also have to physically segregate medical marijuana from recreational marijuana in both their stores and grow sites, and will have to install separate entrances for both. Which, of course, is something that involves applying for construction permits, getting inspections, and sinking a whole bunch of cash. All that equals an even longer wait for legal weed in Boulder.

Another fun thing: Boulder business have 15 days to convert their medical operations to co-operations, or their recreational license becomes invalid. That means they have 15 days to obtain building permits, build separate structures in their stores and grow houses for medical and recreational weed, have their construction inspected and approved, and design a business plan for adding the legal stuff.

Is your buzz killed yet?

Over 100 legal weed licenses have been issued to dispensaries and grow houses in Denver, but just one, single, lonely license has been awarded to a dispensary in Boulder county; and it's not even in Boulder. It's in Nederland.

Boulder, stop trying to pretend that you aren't the highest city in the country. Over-regulating the recreational weed game won't get you very far when it comes to tax revenue, and you look like jackasses doing it.

So until then, we'll just have to caravan down to Denver, where recreational weed will be available at a hearty 14 dispensaries this coming Wednesday. Denver 1, Boulder, -100,000.