"Here kid, have some kale chips instead … "

Do you like being happy? Sometimes, does that happiness come in the form of frozen dairy squished between two chocolate cookie bars on a hot summer day?

If so, Boulder ain't having none of that. It would rather kill your vibe than ever let you make that choice on your own. As far as summer is concerned, what the city deems 'unhealthy' isn't on the menu at parks or pools anymore. 

*cue sad horn*

As the Daily Camera reports, in an effort to promote a healthier lifestyle, Boulder Parks and Recreation has discontinued the sale of all ice cream products and snacks that don't meet certain guidelines. Things like salty kale chips, warm kombucha and zip-lock bags full of sawdust are what we image will take their place in vending machines. Just what any child wants when it's 102 out …

"We're not just the people who have fun places and do fun activities," Alison Rhodes, Boulder's district services manager tells the outlet. "We're also in the business of promoting the community's health."

Naturally, this pissed off Andrew, a child who penned a letter to the editor with his brother. Advanced in his age, Andrew clearly understands that the value of choice should be left to the individual, not through a city which is synonymous with strangling freedoms.

"Boulder can't tell the parents what to do," he said, "because the parents are doing a good job of helping us grow up and telling us the rules. I say leave it up to the moms, the grandparents, the great-grandparents."

So wise.

Unlike the smoking ban, all's not completely lost in the city of Boulder, because the rec areas still allow for patrons to bring in their own goodies inside if they so choose. 

Keeping an ice cream sammich from melting in near 100 degree stretches while you play in the pool is a whole new issue altogether, but, maybe one day sweet Andrew will figure that one out for us. 

Or maybe he'll go into Boulder politics and end this insanity outright … quite sad, really, when a pre-teen has more sensibility than the adults in charge.