In what has to be the most thoughtfully planned and cleverly executed business deal of our time, a man traded a diamond worth $160,000 for a $20 worth of weed. Damn … whoever got that diamond really got the short end of the stick.
In what has to be the most thoughtfully planned and cleverly executed business deal of our time, a man traded a diamond worth $160,000 for a $20 worth of weed. Damn … whoever got that diamond really got the short end of the stick.
The genius who orchestrated the deal, 20-year-old Walter Earl Morrison, came across the staggeringly expensive diamond after stealing a package it was in from his job at UPS. He was unloading cargo planes at the Sky Harbor Airport in Arizona when he laid eyes on the package. Using his special x-ray vision, he assumed the thing was full of cash.
Desperate for some flow to buy a little sticky icky with, he swiped it from the airport using covert military tactics like hiding it under his jacket.
But when he brought it home and tore it open, he discovered something worth way more than the amount of cash you can fit an an UPS envelope … a giant, clunky, mega-diamond worth more than ten times his annual salary.
However, not having a ton of experience in jewel thievery and diamond valuation, Walter wasn't exactly sure what he was looking at. So, he took to the streets to try to find someone who might be willing to trade him some bong filler for a rock worth more than a Maserati. You wouldn't believe it, but he did! It's so crazy how he was able to convince the deal to make that trade … it must have taken a lot of discussion about future business ventures, stock prices, and how a globalized marketplace affects the current economic situation in da club.
But eventually, Walter's charm and business acumen won over the dealer, who we're sure must have felt really reluctant about making enough money to fund his dream of becoming an exotic pet veterinarian.
However, some of his more honest co-workers noticed the package had gone missing, and called the po-pos. It wasn't long before they showed up on Walter's doorstep, cavity-search kit in hand.
During his surely thorough frisking, he confessed he had traded the rock for a quantity of weed that even Texan police wouldn't arrest someone for, which didn't exactly impress anyone who was interested in the diamond's whereabouts. However, a few days later, the diamond somehow ended up in the hands of its rightful owner, all snug and safe and warm.
As for Walter, the only snug, safe, and warm place he's going is into the protective arms of his cell mate, Big Bubba. He was charged with felony theft and is scheduled to appear in court later this week.
Maybe now he can trade the key to his cell for some toilet wine.
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