If the unthinkable happens, we're heading there first thing … 

A lot of people joked about moving to Canada if Obama became president — but just about every single one of them are still here. And now the other half of the population are threatening to move north if Trump ends up winning, but since that group now includes us, it's time to start actually deciding where in Canada we should move to. Thankfully, our neighbors have taken a lot of the guesswork out of it. 

They've set up Cape Brenton if Trump wins, and goddamn if we're not considering it. 

"We are an island about the same size as the Hawaiian Big Island, on the East Coast of Canada," The tourism site says in its new ad. "We always rank high on travel magazine lists of beautiful islands. But we are experiencing a bit of a population problem at the moment. We need people. We need you."

"Don't wait until Donald Trump is elected president to find somewhere else to live," the ad says. "Start now, that way, on election day, you just hop on a bus to start your new life in Cape Breton, where women can get abortions … health care is free, you know your neighbors and they look out for you, nobody has a hand gun, Muslim people can roam freely, and the only 'walls' are holding up the roofs of our extremely affordable houses."

"How much would it cost for a three bedroom lakeside home in your state? About a jillion dollars? You would need to BE Donald Trump to afford a place like that. But in Cape Breton, we have the most affordable housing market in North America!"

That seems like a pretty damn sweet deal — especially after checking out their badass promo video:

Sold. We'll see you there, reasonable citizens of the US. We'll have the beer ready on ice for when you get there.