First graders are so dumb!

Kids are some of the most evil creatures on earth — they rank amongst bad tippers, angry drunks and wanton Ted Cruz supporters in terms of pure evil credentials. They have little regard for their own actions, don’t give a shit about other people, cry and yell in public and are always sticky for some ungodly reason.

To boot, 3 first-graders in Alaska recently proved just how evil kids can be when they decided it was a good idea to poison one of their classmates.

Luckily, the murderous 6-year-olds were never going to succeed in their efforts. Their plan was doomed from the start, though they should probably be locked up anyways.

Some problems they encountered with their poisoning effort include:

Choosing to poison the student with the contents from silica gel packets. You’ve definitely seen these things before. They’re the little white packets filled with clear beads found in packages of beef jerky and the box your fresh new kicks came in. The packets help reduce moisture content and absorb oxygen, not much else.

The packets are always labeled "DO NOT CONSUME" or "DO NOT EAT" — which to a first-grader means they are filed with deadly poison.

However, as it turns, out silica gel is non-toxic. Like totally not toxic at all. Those packets are marked the way they are simply because they aren’t designed to be eaten. It wouldn’t really be an issue if you went to town on those clear little beads that came with your sweet new Sketchers Shape-ups. Though it would probably be a better idea to just eat those ugly ass shoes so you never have to wear them.

The second problem came when they were blabbering about the murderous act in school. Two students overheard them talking about slipping the non-toxic silica gel in a students lunch and ratted them out like any reasonable non-murderous first-grader snitch would do.

The students received “significant consequences” and were temporarily suspended from school. Which for a first-grader really isn’t punishment at all. We aren’t experts in juvenile law, but getting to stay home and watch Dora The Explorer all day is definitely an unfit punishment for plotting to kill a classmate.