What do Al Gore and Chipotle have in common? They’re dead serious about global warming. Al’s been going on and on about climate change since 2006 and, admit it, you’ve been ignoring him. Well, Chipotle just upped the ante and announced that because of warming global temperatures they may take guacamole off the menu. Yeah, so who wants to join our riot?

What do Al Gore and Chipotle have in common? They’re dead serious about global warming. Al’s been going on and on about climate change since 2006 and, admit it, you’ve been ignoring him. Well, Chipotle just upped the ante and announced that because of warming global temperatures they may take guacamole off the menu. Yeah, so who wants to join our riot?

Melting ice caps and polar vortexes are one thing, but no guacamole on your burrito? What is this world coming to? Scientists at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory warned that, “Extreme weather volatility” could affect the availability of avocados and other raw ingredients. They predicted a 40 percent drop in avocado production in the next 23 years. That's awfully bad news for Chipotle, as they smash 97,000 pounds of them a day to keep up with demand. If the weather stays shitty, which you know it probably will, less will grow and the ones that do are going to cost a pretty penny. Chipotle may not be willing to pay the price.

"In the event of cost increases with respect to one or more of our raw ingredients we may choose to temporarily suspend serving menu items, such as guacamole or one or more of our salsas, rather than paying the increased cost for the ingredients," said Chipotle, in blatant defiance of our basic human needs.

It's like these cheap bastards care more about the environment than they do about your guac intake. Assholes. 

All the same, if something isn’t done about climate change it could be the end of guacamole as we know it.  Then what’s next, no more salsa? No more queso? The extinction of bovine and the end to human life on this planet? Whoa, all this worrying is making us hungry; better get to Chipotle before the avocados are gone. We'll ride our bikes. We are heroes.