Colorado Representative Lauren Boebert is the gift that keeps on giving this holiday season.
Whether she’s accusing her fellow legislators of being a terrorist or picking fights with Saturday Night Live actresses, there’s no doubt that Boebert’s shameful political antics give a bad name to American politicians and MILFs everywhere…
…and we honestly couldn’t be more entertained.
David Lynch once said, “What a great time to be alive if you love the theater of the absurd,” and Boebert may very well be the ultimate testament to that. The last time we had a legislator spreading this much disinformation and hate via American politics, it was 2020 and they were actually the president.
Don’t get us wrong, it’s certainly nothing to be proud of. When we say we’re thoroughly entertained, we don’t mean “Just ate a Decadose Cheeba Chew and now it’s time to watch the Puppy Bowl on a Sunday” entertained.
No, this is more of a “There’s a drunken domestic argument taking place two tables down and tables are about to flip,” entertained. You know, a “racial slur just got dropped and now someone’s about to be knocked the fuck out with a Twisted Tea can in a gas station” type of entertained.
Please understand when we say that we aren’t gazing upon the clusterfuck goat rodeo of American Politics with reverence or hope, but with the same look of wry amusement and dullened acceptance that you’d give to an oncoming catastrophic trainwreck that you’re about to be a part of.
So what all is going down?
Some house members are calling for Boebert’s removal from Congress after she’s made several comments implying that Representative Ilhan Omar of Minnesota is a terrorist. In November, a video surfaced of Boebert suggesting to a crowd that Omar was a terrorist, explaining that Boebert felt safe in an elevator with Omar because she wasn’t wearing a backpack.
For the purpose of objective journalism (yeah, it’s totally still a thing, why do you ask?) it should also be noted that the Omar-Boebert sparring match has gone on for a while, and both parties are guilty of using… questionable rhetoric.
In late November, Boebert refused to issue an apology directly to Omar but apologized “to anyone in the Muslim community I offended.”
Whether there will be more disciplinary action for Boebert’s comments remains to be seen, but if we had to guess, we’d lean against it. When it comes to questions like these, it’s best to remember the golden rule of American diplomacy: Politicians are like invertebrates—they lack a spine.
Later, Boebert called Saturday Night Live’s Chloe Fineman a “no-name actress” and mocked her trigger discipline with the firearm prop used in an SNL skit.
“Seeing the poor trigger discipline from the no-name actress who played me makes me think Alec Baldwin did the gun safety training over there,” wrote Boebert via the Slack app-equivalent for American Politics, otherwise known as twitter.
But the icing on the right-wing nut cake came when Boebert shared a picture of her and recently acquitted Kyle Rittenhouse at the conservative AmericaFest 2021.
Wait, maybe the icing on the cake was when she posted a photo of her four sons all holding AR-15s in front of the Christmas Tree through one of the most glorious whitetrash displays since the Dukes of Hazzard had a Christmas episode.
As we usher in a new year that we can’t help but feel has innumerable disappointments in store for us, we’ll have to keep a close eye on Boebert and her continuous antics throughout the discourse of American politics, the same way one may keep a close eye on the NASCAR race, or the last Bud Light in the fridge, or the unpreventable, aforemetnioned metaphorical trainwreck that we all see coming.