The age of the blinker-less 1995 Subaru Outback going 20 mph under the speed limit is upon us.
Life in Colorado is full of local mythologies dominating our everyday lives, but our favorite one is undoubtedly that speed limits do not exist.
Nope! Don't even try to argue with us on this; speed limits are simply there as suggestions, not legal mandates, and we prefer to drive under them.
In fact, it could easily be said that our state's favorite hobby is driving at the Mach speed of 20 mph or under, genially peeing out the windows of our Subaru Outbacks to take in the beautiful sights and scenery, while hundreds of people behind us are held up from their jobs, relationships and lives by our desire to stop and smell the roses. Or in our case, SnapChat all the accidents.
Add to that the fact traffic has become strenuously unbearable ever since half the country decided to move here, and what do you get?
The shittiest drivers in the country. And according to a new report, they're only getting worse.
As published on Allstate "America's Best Drivers Report 2016" report, the numbers indicate that drivers in Fort Collins, Colorado Springs, Lakewood, Aurora, and Denver are all getting worse than they already were at operating a moving vehicle, as if that were even possible. This troubling finding is based off Colorado's insanely high collision rate compared to the national average.
Denver in particular is growing progressively worse at driving, plummeting in this year's ranking of the top 200 cities. In 2015, Denver was ranked No. 84 nationally and this year, it fell 33 spots to No. 117. However, while Denver exhibited the saddest fall from grace, it's backcountry cousin Aurora ranked as the city with the worst drivers in the state.
… We mean, we guess there are a lot of industrial warehouse spaces to slow down and gawk at there?
Anyway, you know what this information means: either just suck it up and walk there, stay indoors forever, or get crackin' on that teleportation device, because it appears as if Colorado's already-horrible drivers are attempting to outdo themselves and that's a very scary, very slow-moving thought.