If we told you how much Colorado is going to make off legal weed this year, we're not sure you'll believe us. Either way, we've got the figures, and it's looking like this is going to be a really, really good year, all thanks to weed.
What did you do this week? Hang out with friends? Go to work? Maybe watch a little Netflix? That's cool.
Well, while you were busy doing whatever it is you do, the state of Colorado was rolling around in millions of dollars worth of legal weed money, probably on a water bed with fancy hookers and champagne.
That's because in the first week of legalization, Colorado made off with a staggering $5 million dollars off of recreational weed.
The first day of legalization alone reaped in over a million dollars worth of revenue for the state, and Colorado expects to collect nearly $600 million from combined recreational and medical marijuana sales annually. Some dispensaries even reported a 30% increase in sales, and a 50% increase in the value of their stocks. Take that, non-stoner states.
The revenue spike was likely due to the incredibly high 25% tax on the legal stuff…and the fact that Coloradans just, really really like weed. Even a week after legalization, stoners reported long lines and wait times at dispensaries as people clamored for the chance to get their hands on the devil's grass. Also contributing to the cash flow was the fact that many dispensaries imposed price hikes or capped the amount of weed each customer could buy in the hopes that that would deter people from buying their stuff so that they wouldn't run out of it.
But the heavens smiled down upon Colorado, and it turned out that the increased prices and quantity limits didn't keep people from coming in after all, and exactly zero dispensaries reported supply problems. And high prices + high sales = Colorado can buy itself a diamond-encrusted spaceship if the mood strikes.
Adding to the fact that Colorado is probably making it rain hundred dollar bills on its people in da club, is the fact that due to federal regulations dispensaries must deal exclusively in cash. Why? Banks are afraid that dealing with them could implicate them for money laundering. Well, fuck it; that's just more cash we can use to snort mountains of cocaine with, like Scarface-style. Great!
Whatever shall we do with all this money? You best believe we have some ideas…
1. Buses get replaced with personal prize-winning racehorses
2. Everyone gets a helicopter
3. Government-sponsored YouPorn subscriptions
4. Taco Bells outfitted with liquor licenses and fireplaces that have bearskin rugs in front of them
5. Solid-gold toilet seats and dollar bill toilet paper
6. Personal burrito chefs for everyone for when legal weed gives you the worst goddamn munchies you've ever had
Yep…this legal weed stuff is looking pretty legit right now. We can't wait to see what Colorado decides to do with all those millions; but for now, we're definitely hoping for a company helicopter.
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