In accordance with Colorado's recent push to become the coolest state in the nation, bro, the state government is drafting a bill that would allow booze to be served until 4:30 a.m.
In accordance with Colorado's recent push to become the coolest state in the entire nation, bro, the state government is drafting a bill that would allow booze to be served at bars until 4:30 a.m.
That's right, if the bill passes, no longer must you stumble home drunk at the oh-so-early hour of 2 a.m. No longer must you bed the mongoloid you met at the bar while half-sober because the bars closed too early and you couldn't down enough vodka in time. You now have an extra 2.5 hours to ensure that your blood alcohol level reaches a point that makes mongoloid sex acceptable.
Gone are the days in which you exit the bar and there are still a few pizza places and Taco Bells open. Now when you leave, the only thing that'll be open is the door to your empty fridge, which is great for your waistline!
Although the bill sounds like an excuse for us to fasten a Jager drip to our arms, it's being cleverly disguised as a "public safety matter." The writers of the proposed legislation wrote it after a slew of recent fights and shootings broke out in Denver around 2 a.m., the time bars close. Apparently, the large amount of drunk people exiting the bars all at once has been leading to a lot of crime, particularly assault and drunk driving.
Theoretically, extending the hours bars are allowed to save booze would cut down on that crime since not everyone is likely to stay out quite that late; people are more likely to leave in smaller waves throughout the night. It would also allow for more public transportation options for drunkards, since buses typically start running around 5 a.m.
Some opponents of the bill think it'll encourage drunk driving, as people might try to drive from one bar that closes at 2 a.m. to one that's open until 4:30 a.m. But, even the bill doesn't pass and bars still close at 2, people are just as likely to drive home or to a party drunk as they are to drive to another bar. Additionally, if bars were open until 4:30 a.m., that gives people a few extra hours to sober up if they have to drive. Can you tell we support this bill?