It won't get you high, but it'll make you feel better than that time your ex got real fat.
For millennia, man's greatest pleasure has not been creating a progeny, or evolving past the primitive; it's been combining substances to create one super-thing he can eat or drink and feel real cool that he thought to do that.
Peanut butter and jelly. Peanut butter and chocolate. Peanut butter and your balls. These are just some examples of perfect combinations.
But now, the most perfect combination of all time has emerged, been bottled, and is now rendering its drinkers unable to operate a moving vehicle. Ladies and gentlemen, weed beer.
Colorado's own Dad & Dudes Breweria just debuted "Dank," a CBD sativa-infused IPA, and if that substance combination doesn't make you pucker like a butthole in jail, nothing will. The heady brew isn't the first weed beer ever made, but it's the first beer made with CBD, weed's non-psychoactive, yet medicinally awesome extract.
The franken-beer isn't available for commercial sales just quite yet, but it is debuting today and tomorrow at the Great American Beer Festival in Denver. And while it definitely won't get you high, it will get you drunk, and we're 42,069 percent okay with that.
Dads & Dudes is also in the process of concoting an even stronger CBD-infused beer called Indica Double IPA, which will only be available at the brewery. This is some adult shit you don't play around with; you've got to come directly to daddy, in his house, to ask for a sip. RESPECT THE WEED.
The two beers are part of the company's new Canna-Beer Series, a program they started as a way to support Colorado's exploding weed industry
“I think beer and cannabis should should be treated equally,” Dad & Dudes co-founder Mason Hembree tells Westword, who adds that he is a longtime supporter of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, or NORML. “Alcohol has also gone through its fair share of prohibition and misunderstanding. And I think Colorado is leading the way nationally when it comes to reform, and I hope we keep moving in that direction.”
But despite the Breweria's pro-pot position, neither the Sativa IPA nor the Indica Double IPA contain actual weed. Instead, they're brewed with a boatload of CBD extract, which is lifted from the actual marijuana plant itself and sold to companies in places that smile warmly on weed.
As such, the product is totally street-legal nationwide, even in precious New Jersey, a place currently ruled by a government Jabba the Hut named Chris Christie who recently vowed to end legal weed in Colorado if elected "head fathead" in charge.
However, what these beers lack in psychoactive weed content, they make up for with high ABV. The sativa brew clocks in at 5 percent ABV, and the indica dominates your body with 10 percent. Both are hoppy as all hell, with aromas similar to marijuana, but neither of them taste like April 20th. Apparently, the CBD oil doesn't impart much flavor, so don't worry; you're still drinking beer, not weed juice.
Currently, since pot is still federally illegal, commercial brewers can't make any sort of pot-infused beer, even in Colorado, since they're licensed by the Federal Alcohol and Tobacco Trade Bureau. This is something that has tripped up other local breweries like Laguintas and Dark Horse Brewing, who've gotten in trouble with the TTB for such minor offenses as giving their beers weed-themed names. Lagunitas Brewing's "Kronik," had to be changed to "Censored," and Michigan-based Dark Horse Brewing's "Smells Like Weed" IPA, became "Smells Like a Safety Meeting" IPA. Lolz forever.
But, at least while we wait for real weed beer to become a thing, we can sip Dad & Dude's CBD brew day all long and laugh in the face of the man. We're drunk! Who cares!