Normally, school lock-downs are reserved for grievous threats to human health and safety, but that didn't stop Adams County High School from shutting the place down last Friday after a teen's gravity bong "released smoke in class." Well, that's one way to get high marks …

Normally, school lock-downs are reserved for grievous threats to human health and safety, but that didn't stop Adams County High School from shutting the place down last Friday after a teen's gravity bong "released smoke in class." Well, that's one way to get high marks …

The chill haze from the bong was detected by a teacher after a student ripped a monster hit from the thing in the middle of a lesson. Shortly after, doors were barricaded, authorities were called, and buzzes were totally harshed. This would be a great place for a "Smoke on the Water" joke.

"As a precautionary measure, our students were placed on a modified lockdown to limit movement throughout the school," the school said in a statement, adding that teenagers who had been near the device were examined by medical personnel.

Thank god, we wouldn't want them to have increased focus or decreased depression and anxiety or anything!

The craziest thing about this story is, as anyone who's ever placed their lips on the smooth plastic mouthpiece of a gravity bong knows, those fuckers require a sizeable amount of water and a hefty vessel for which to carry it in. They're the opposite of discreet and easily-transportable, and hitting it is a delicate, intricate process that's usually done outside, or at the very least, not in the middle of geometry.

Let's throw some visuals on this story . Here's the most minimal set up you need to make one …

…  now visualize that teen hitting that thing at his desk, in class.

… Yeah. That teen doesn't just have balls, he's made of them. He's one giant testicle, pulsating with the type of brazen disregard for authority only pubescent testosterone can produce.

And while this story is high-larious, it also illustrates a bizarre Bermuda Triangle in Colorado weed reasoning … regardless of the fact that weed's been legal for almost a year, people here still harbor some very extreme beliefs about the stuff. Either people still have the type of mortal panic around it normally appropriate for oncoming hordes of murderous Ebola zombies, or they misinterpret its legality to such an extent that they think underage classroom bong rips are 420 chill.

That means someone, somewhere, is doing a really weird job at educating Colorado's public about weed. And from the looks if it, that person is a genetically-modified hybrid of Ronald Reagan and Tommy Chong, but less attractive and wearing cowboy boots.

So, while we wait for Colorado to chill out on its weirdo weed dogma and find public educators to teach people that it's neither toxic nor tame, we'll be happy to step into that role for you guys. Lesson #1: Vape Pens: Your Secret Weapon in the Battle Against Public Sobriety (Providing of Course That You Are Not a Legal Child, in Which Case Go Home and Age Five Years Before You Come Back Here You Punk Ass Little Kid).