Rule of thumb: If he looks like he ran through a Halloween bargain sale blind, he's got cocaine.

You know that sinking feeling when you want nose drugs but your dealer's beeper is broken so you're forced to find la cocaína on your own?

You think you're shit out of luck when suddenly, an angel appears. And he's wearing a sombrero, cape and cowboy boots. 

"Cha-cha-cha!" he says as he beckons you to follow him into the men's room. You squeeze into a stall together and proceed to do bump after glorious bump of pure Columbian blow off a key, highlighting just how young, wild and free you are!

As fantastical as this sounds, this exact scenario actually happened in Aspen last weekend … only with much a much more nefarious ending.

A 22 year-old woman in the Colorado mountain town had been drinking with her friends at a bar when she ran into such a well-dressed character. But he invited her into the bathroom stall to blow lines, the man, identified as Marco Madriz-Vergara, wouldn't let her leave. According to the incident report, he "got weird" after she declined his offer for more. She called the police, and officers found her crying and scared.

When police asked her what happened, she told them she'd been sniffing white stuff with Marco, but that after he imprisoned her in the stall, she started to feel like "what she was doing was wrong."

A confession! The woman was magically absolved of her sins.

Marco, on the other hand, was charged with false imprisonment, possession of cocaine and harassment in connection with the incident, but he later posted a $4,500 bond and was released. He's free as a bird.

All this to say that if you're looking for a certain nasal powder, keep you eye out for a man who looks like he ran blindly through a Halloween bargain sale. He's the one you want.