Why is Colorado making healthier options sound like unreasonable requests?

Picture yourself standing in a dispensary. Two marijuana products are in front of you. One of them is organic, the other is not. It was made with pesticides and other industrial chemicals.

Which do you chose?

More likely than not, you go with the organic one, opting for the healthier choice. After all, if you're anything like most Coloradans, you've been asking for organic weed for years, citing confusion over dispensaries' misleading organic labeling procedures.

However, Colorado's government has gone ahead and made that choice for you, striking down a proposal that  would have created a first-of-its-kind label for marijuana that had been produced without harmful pesticides. And the reason they gave for rejecting organic bud, the likes which would have been not just a first for Colorado, but for Planet Earth?

Republicans were concerned it would "imply pot is healthy."

… What?!

No really: what the actual fuck? Of course organic weed is "healthy!" It's not full of pesticides and chemicals, you dinguses!

And moreover, since when is "healthy" a bad thing?

This is a mildly mind-blowing legislative move on Colorado's part. By ruling against organic weed, Colorado is removing the option for its people to make healthier choices. Instead, they're mandating that we be unhealthy. This ruling essentially requires that Coloradans make a poorer health choice, despite the fact that a healthier one could easily exist if they'd only let it.

Generally speaking of course, marijuana is about as healthy a substance as there is. Even inorganic marijuana is better for you than alcohol, nicotine and pharmaceutical drugs.

You don't need to be a statistician, doctor or even half-lobotomized basement mongoloid to realize the fact that weed has a zero percent fatality rate makes it the healthiest recreational substance on the market. It's being used medicinally to treat cancer, insomnia, depression epilepsy and a host of other conditions that even prescription drugs can't tackle, so we're not really sure why Colorado's government is so terrified of calling it "healthy."

Meanwhile, alcohol, which kills 88,000 people a year in this country, can totally be labeled as organic. Alcohol is unhealthy as all hell, but "healthier" versions can be advertised and sold. Explain that logic to us, please.

There's not denying that we get some really mixed messages about what's "healthy" and what's not in this country.

Pharmaceutical opioids are legal, despite the fact that they're America's leading cause of accident-related death. More people die from prescription drugs each year than they do from car accidents. Drugs, are healthy, right?

Even more concerning beyond the hypocrisy inherent in Colorado's rejection or organic weed is the fact that consumers are clearly confused about organic marijuana claims. Since organic standards are federally regulated and weed is still federally illegal, there's nothing stopping commercial pot growers from labeling their crops as organic and selling them at higher premiums to unknowing customers.

Why is that kind of consumer deceit okay? Why don't Coloradans have a right to know exactly what they're buying at weed stores?

All great questions. It's a strange world we live in when the state of Colorado decides against giving people the option to make healthier, more informed choices … especially when that contradicts the wealth of scientific research that says marijuana is quite good for you.

In today's super-chemical world in which we're involuntarily affronted with pesticides, GMOs, and other chemicals in our diets and environments, having at least the option to make one small chemical-free choice is vital. After all, it's our individual bodies we're talking about. Shouldn't we be able to decide what goes in them?

Furthermore, the less Colorado's marijuana industry is able to accommodate for the needs of the people it serves, the more drives people towards the black market and home grows, away from the community-enriching benefits of legal weed taxation.

We're not exactly sure of what the long term effects are of inorganic marijuana are, so currently it's unclear whether Colorado's insistence that we smoke and eat it is a health threat or not. However the fact that they made that decision at all says volumes about the disregard Colorado's government has for its own people. Clearly, they'd rather be making political statements like "Conservatives say no to weed!" than looking out for our well-being, and that's kinda scary. They shouldn't be making our health a burden or an unreasonable request, they should be making it their top priority.

Anyway, we're thinking about starting an organic grow in our basement where instead of spraying the weed with pesticides, we just spray it with more weed. Anyone in?