It's specifically intended to "enhance facial features." Boy oh boy!
Take a look at your current driver's license or ID card. Chances are, you look like a crock of shit.
But, if you're a citizen of the great state of Colorado, you can finally kiss that piss poor excuse for an ID goodbye, because you're getting a brand new ID design that's specifically designed to sexify your face.
… And cut down on identity theft with improved security features, but for the purposes of this article … SEXIFY YOUR FACE.
The photos on the new IDs will be taken as a black and white engravings to "enhance facial features." Your cheekbones will pop, your wrinkles will be smoothed, and that semi-miserable blob that is your jaw line will be sharpened by the high-contrast shadowing of the new photography technique.
Just look at what it did for this lady:
In addition to taking you from a 4 to a 9 on the bangability scale, the black and white engraving will also help prevent duplication of the card as well. Identity theft will be further thwarted by the addition of a squiggly expiration date (see photo) and raised text that makes it harder to copy. On the back, the state has added a third photo of the customer (because you look so hot) along with a metallic "C" from the Colorado state flag, the State of Colorado and Department of Revenue logos, and a design of the State Capitol with snowflakes in blue and green. Delightful.
Naturally, the new cards will still retain the same iconic imagery of Mount Sneffels in the background from the old ID design … but that's only because it would be too silly and too real to put a giant weed leaf in the background.
This is the first new ID card Colorado has issued in 13 years, but the new-and-improved design will hit the market starting today. It'll start as a pilot program that gets instated DMV-by-DMV, but eventually, everyone and their mothers will carry the hot new sex license. Thanks, government!
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