Each month, we spend an egregious amount of time sifting through the suck to categorize simply and thoroughly the ongoing trends of popular culture. Of all the thousands found, we narrow them down via a specific SpaceX-approved algorithm to see what's worth a shit and what we'll probably read about in some Buzzfeed list 10 years from now. The results of our ongoing effort is the following breakdown — glitter beards and baby-having robots are weird, and cacti specifically are on a come-up.


No Smoking
If rumors hold true, this month the FDA will be releasing strict mandates for tobacco companies in order to quell the deathly habit of smoking. Healthier products, such as the IQOS Heating Technology System and Very Low Nicotine (VLN) Tobacco, are already being developed with remarkable results. We may very well see the end of the dangerous trend sooner than we realize.

Outside of the floral-filled bathtub, bombed with colorful havoc most women of Instagram post, is a prickly little sidekick known as the “cacti.” This little bugger is showing up everywhere in photos now and if fashion blogs have their way, will be a huge new trend in 2018 for some strange reason?

Foodie’s Future
Amazon’s newest bitch, Whole Foods, pulled together a panel of food experts last month to figure out what people will be buying en masse next year. Foods such as pickled watermelon rinds (which are fucking delicious), rose-flavored everything, transparent labeling and mushroom coffee (not that kind, unfortunately) are all headed your way.

Dollar Menu
A few months back, McDonald’s announced it would revive every broke college-kid’s best friend, the prestigious Dollar Menu. In 2018, starving students will be offered a larger array of menu items with prices evenly hitting the $1, $2 and $3 tags. We’d say start digging in your couch now, but who the heck carries change around anymore?

On a recent trip to Las Vegas, a Rooster Magazine staff member saw — we shart you not — no less than six beards completely decked to the nines in glitter. You’ve likely seen it on Buzzfeed or whatever other online trash you silently enjoy, but this was for real. It’s a trend headed this way, and, well, we’re not really down with it.

Baby Making Robots
Yeah so, uh, make sure mom isn’t around while you’re reading this. Sergi Santos, a creator of sex robots, says he wants to make a baby with his fakey. “It’s not so difficult,” he told Mirror. “Using the brain I have already created, I would program it so he or she could have moral values plus concepts of beauty,
justice and the values that humans have.” Wow.

Authority Bros
It’s about time. After the surging success of campaigns such as the #MeToo hashtag, it looks like dudes in authoritative positions who think whipping out their cocks is a form of flattery are out of work. It just goes to show, strength in numbers isn’t just a concept Avatar taught us — it’s real.