You are important. You are important. Just keep repeating it.

In today's culture of self promotion and Insta-celebrities, nothing is more paramount to your popularity than a long and dramatic photo trail that documents the banalities of your daily life: getting groceries, walking your mongoloid dog, cheating on your spouse with a cabana boy, and so on.

Sure enough, releasing your "inner celeb" is today's definition of success, but doing so presents a glaring logistical challenge: who will take photos of you? Who will sell pictures of you sleeping into your car to tabloids, attracting a flurry of press and attention to your otherwise mundane existence?

Well, boy oh boy, do we have the answer for you.

It's called Paparazzi in Denver, and it's a personal paparazzi service that'll follow you around with cameras, spring out of bushes and maybe even if you're lucky, capture your marital affair. The tabloids are gonna nuts on this one!

But more importantly, Paprazzi in Denver helps you "experience the celeb within," aka helps you "reaffirm that Daddy loves you even if he does have a new family now." You are important. You are important.

Says the site:

Make the dream of red carpet royalty a reality!  Hire your own Personal Paparazzi for your upcoming celebration, event or night out on the town.  The goal of Paparazzi is to create scene, capture memories and create celebrities in one snapshot.  Our services help our clients “Experience the Celeb Within.”

Therapeutic! But if the photo services Paparazzi in Denver offer isn't enough to stroke your aspiring celebrity ego, you can also have you face Photoshopped onto the cover of a gossip magazine all like, "Trisha's Baby Bump Disaster Ruins Royal Wedding Kardashian Butt."

Perfect for your next birthday party, bridal shower, or campaign to assert your own existence. Sad/cool!