Designer Rick Owens has freed the peen with his new Spring collection, entitled "Defile." Is it cold in here, or is it just us?

Designer Rick Owens has freed the peen with his new Spring collection, entitled "Defile."  Is it cold in here, or is it just us?

At the AW15 'SPHINX' show, Owens sent his male models out with sly holes and revealing flaps that gave the audience a front-row center seat for the dick show. As they trouced down the the runway, their weeners flew about, this way and that, laughing girlishly in the face of today's censorship norms and female-oriented nudity obsessions. Dicks just swingin' in the wind.

And you know what? It's about time. Do you know how hard it is to keep your dick under layers and layers of clothing, crushing its dreams of escape day after day? Will anyone really ever know the immense utilitarian relief this collection provides the male phallice? You could pee anywhere at anytime. Like an astronaut in a spacesuit. This is big. Bigger than the dicks that went down the catwalk.

The official images of the collection have been scrubbed pretty clean—there's just a peek of genitalia in a couple of the shots— but there were like 300 people who shot the models au naturale before the moral grips of society could wipe their cocks right out of the frame. Of course we've included these you right about … here.

Side note: All these men are eligible for a free sex offender registry certificate and a place in our hearts.

What can we say; Rick Owens knows how to put on a show. Previously, he's sent 40 steppers stomping the runway, and painted models ashen white under the Eiffle tower, never failing to infuse his already-avante garde cuts and sombre palate with the glitz of showmanship. The man loves a good spectacle.

And you know what? It's about time. Society is way too obsessed with female nudity, and it's gotten to the point where the female figure is no longer taboo. It's commonplace, and that acceptance is beautiful, but something needs to keep those pearl clutchers clutching their pearls. Why not dicks?

Dicks for president. That's all we're saying.