Gender Reveal Device Starts California Wildfire

A couple in California who should have never procreated in the first place inevitably became the culprit of a massive wildfire after their gender reveal pyrotechnic act backfired, lighting the surrounding brush on fire and ultimately starting a 23,000 acre wildfire. Turns out the gender of this baby is the devil.



Percent of likely voters who believe marijuana should be legalized at a Federal level, including 54% of Republicans and 69% of Democrats. This number should be much higher. The only thing congress agrees on more than legalizing cannabis is that ice cream tastes good.


"Do NOT tell the rest of your class"

University of Alabama officials in a note to faculty who tested positive for COVID to keep quiet after more than 1,000 students, faculty and staff tested positive for the virus. Since when did the leadership of America become as useful as a bag of dicks without a handle? Oh yeah, November 2016.


Expert on Amazonian tribes shot dead from arrow while approaching indigenous people

A leading expert on Amazon tribes was shot dead with an arrow fired by indigenous people while approaching the isolated village in a remote area of Brazil. What can we say, he should have known. He was an expert.


“Everyone thinks that I have six toes, and it’s really wild.”

Kim Kardashian in a video post proving to her window-licking followers that she only has five toes on her left foot and not the rumored six that’s been of great debate amongst her 188 million bottom feeders. Wild. But what's most disturbing isn't the banal comment but the fact that 188 million lobotomized people voluntarily choose to follow Kim Kardashian.


“The coronavirus will be defeated by God’s love”

Pope Francis became about as reliable for medical advice as WebMD after telling an crowd at the Vatican the coronavirus will be defeated by God’s love. He then removed his mask to talk shop with worshippers. As for the 961,000 people who have already succumbed to the virus, there's a perfectly good explanation: they were just not loved by God.


ONLY IN AMERICA: Drive-In won’t show Kindergarten Cop because it “romanticizes over-policing”

Rock, meet bottom. A drive-in film festival in Oregon cancelled its planned screening of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Kindergarten Cop after public outcry and author Lois Leveen tweeted “there’s nothing entertaining about the presence of police in schools, which feeds the ‘school-to-prison’ pipeline …” The 1990s comedy is about an undercover cop masquerading as a teacher in order to catch a drug ring. It’s as if the Democrats know they have the election in the bag, and then they shit in the bag, light it on fire and make Trump appear practical.