Most new cars come standard with convenience enhancing features like a back-up cam, collision warnings or bluetooth phone connectivity that allows you to yell at your mom for getting the wrong flavor of Hot Pocket hands-free.
The all new 2017 Ford Fusion, however, comes with something different — a medium to large bag of illegally trafficked Mexican pot stuffed somewhere inside it.
Of course, Ford didn't put it there themselves. Someone else is doing it; someone with a lot of money, and a lot of weed.
Problem is, authorities can't figure out who.
According to CNN, the DEA is baffled over the growing trend of fuel-efficient, economy model Fords becoming drug mules for contraband cannabis. The most recent and high-profile incident of this was last week's discovery of over $1 million worth of weed hidden inside brand-new Fusions at at a dealership in Youngstown, Ohio. It had been packaged into large half-moon shapes and stuffed inside the cars' wheel wells.
The DEA's Silverio Balzano reports that employees at the town's Ford dealership found the secret bonus feature inside 15 of their new Fusions — over 32 pounds of prime mystery kush. Apparently, the cars originated from a plant in Sonora, Mexico, the old stomping ground of infamous drug lord Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzman. The area where the cars are made is still controlled by Guzman's Sinaloa cartel, leading authorities to believe this could be some sort of smuggling operation gone wrong.
Yet while the discovery was shocking, it wasn't an isolated incident. Bags of marijuana have been appearing not just in Ohio's stock of brand-new Fusions, but all over white bread Middle America … particularly in states without medical or recreational weed, we might add with a very large, slow wink.
Since early 2017, investigators have seized over 250 pounds of bud from at least 22 new Fusions around the country. The first 80 pounds were discovered in St. Paul, Minnesota, and a similar haul was unearthed across the state in Dilworth.
Investigators have no idea what's going on.
Although cartels are their prime suspects, the biggest question that's stumping them is how the weed made it into the cars at the Ford plant in Mexico in the first place — who put it there, when did they do it, and how could they be stupid enough not to take it out before the cars got to a dealership? Was it a missed communication in druglord land, or did someone in Mexico just really passionate about charitable donation?
"The plant assembly employees sometimes only make $50 a week, leaving a huge window for bribery," a source knowledgeable about U.S. customs processes told Alpha News. "It's not unheard of for impoverished foreign nationals to take payoffs, especially since what the cartels can pay may equal a year's worth of wages or if they threaten the employee or their family."
And, if you're the person who was supposed to intercept $1 million worth of weed in your new cherry red Ford Fusion in Youngstown, Ohio, just think how much money you could make and send back to your friends at the auto plant and in the cartel.
"We're aware of the situation and are taking it very seriously," a Ford Motor Company spokesman told CNN. "We are working with the FBI and Customs on an extensive investigation."
Well, in the meantime, check your wheel wells and check them twice. You never know who's left you a present.