Some dickwad in Amsterdam has been selling tourists dangerous white heroin and telling them it's cocaine, prompting city officials to post what's probably the most rational narcotics advisory we've ever laid our bloodshot eyes on. Behold …

Some dickwad in Amsterdam has been selling tourists dangerous white heroin and telling them it's cocaine, prompting city officials to post what's probably the most rational narcotics advisory we've ever laid our bloodshot eyes on. Behold:

Is that not the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

Not only does it responsibly warn tourists about a dangerous situation and the perils of buying street drugs from strangers, it also implies you could score better, non-fatal cocaine elsewhere.

The information on it is helpful, non-judgmental, has no anti-drug agenda, and exists solely to keep you safe. Because the sign, and the Dutch government, knows you're going to misbehave, so you might as well misbehave responsibly. The sign knows all.

Best of all, the sign reminds you that "You will not be arrested for using drugs in Amsterdam," a remark that Christopher Ingraham of the ​Washington Post praised as being "what a sane drug policy looks like."

Doesn't knowing that this sign was conceptualized by a government that's more concerned with drug safety than drug prosecution makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Like maybe there are still some good people left in the world, and the sun will come out tomorrow?

Most endearingly, nowhere on the sign does it mention that cocaine is bad, or that you shouldn't put a bunch of nose candy in your sinuses and buy hookers. Instead, it just says is to be wary of who you buy it from and gives you information on how to access medical assistance and keep potential overdose victims alert while waiting for help.

Man, if we wanted this much thoughtful, unbiased advice, we'd hug a wise old janitor from an '80s movie.

In the Netherlands, Dutch law differentiates between "soft drugs," like marijuana, and "hard" ones, like cocaine and heroin. But even though the government acknowledges "hard" drugs can be more dangerous, possession and use of up to one gram of cocaine or heroin is completely legal.

The destigmatization of drug use in the Netherlands plays a big role in this. Drug users in that corner of the world aren't thought of as criminals, as they are in the U.S., but rather as normal people who are doing shitty things to their bodies. As a result, Dutch drug policies and the language the government uses to speak about drugs contains a notable lack of moral judgment, and emphasizes safety over cessation.

Meanwhile, in America, where we view drug use as criminal act and clutch our pearl necklaces in fear at the thought of decriminalized drug use, these are the kinds of anti-drug signs we've managed to muster up. 

NICE.

Maybe that has something to do with the fact that 44 percent of Americans report having used marijuana in their lifetimes, and 14 percent have used cocaine. In the Netherlands, those numbers stand at 26 percent and five percent, respectively … so, there's that.

But regardless of the obvious holes in America's drug policy program or the heavenly merits of Amsterdam's, one thing's for sure. Heroin is meant to be shot up, not snorted. Do it right if you're gonna do it at all.