We scoured the greatest lengths of this wide Internet of ours to find the best knockoff wing sauce recipes this side of the mighty syntax error.

We know what it’s like to want to be the best person amongst a solid group of friends. There’s nothing sweeter than watching your closest mates squirm in envy when you do something better than they can. We’re one-upsmen through and through; and we know our readers are too. So we’ve scoured the greatest lengths of this wide Internet of ours to find the best knockoff wing sauce recipes this side of the mighty syntax error. Perfecting them will make you the neighborhood superstar within minutes. A few of you may even recognize the bold flavors from one of the more popular wing joints in America. We’ve gone through the trouble of masking those product names a bit to keep identities anonymous.

Enjoy!

First is actually cooking the chicken:

What we like to do is probably the easiest and cleanest way to cook chicken. Pre-heat that filthy oven of yours to an acceptable 425 degrees and line up a cooking sheet with some aluminum foil (easier for cleanup). Set down a cooling rack so the chicken is lifted up from the foil when cooking. This keeps the greases dripping away from the chicken. If you own none of these – go to IKEA and pick up this; you will use it always and forever for a variety of recipes in your grown-ass life.

Next, clean the chicken with running water and pat dry with paper towels. The dryer the chicken is before it goes in the oven the better. If you bought full wings, cut off the last 1/3 of the wing – it’s not welcome in this recipe, nor in life. Cut the drumette from the wing – or don’t – it’s up to you, honorable master of the kitchen. Place the parts evenly on a greased rack and brush on (rolled up paper towel works fine) an even coat of olive oil. The oil gets them nice and crispy. Oh, so nice and crispy. Throw them in, middle rack, and wait 20-25 minutes.

Pull them out, pick a sauce, and shake everything in a large Tupperware. Then sit back and bathe in everyone’s tears of jealousy.

* Another way to make them – which is healthier because we boil off the fat first – is to parboil the wings (boil them for 15 minutes) and then broil them for 12-15 minutes per side in the oven on cookie sheets with non-stick spray (until crisp, but watch out so you don't burn them).

Garlic Perm

1/2 cup butter, melted
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon onion salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper, freshly ground
1/2 cup parmesan cheese, grated

Mix butter, Parmesan cheese, garlic power, onion salt, and black pepper together in a bowl. It really is that easy.

Spexy Garlic

1 Cup Frank’s cayenne pepper sauce
1/3 Cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon granulated sugar
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon course ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce (We like to call it “What’s this here sauce”)

1 egg yolk
2 teaspoon water
2 teaspoon cornstarch

In a small saucepan combine first seven ingredients. Heat over medium heat until sauce begins to boil. Reduce heat and simmer for five minutes. Remove pan from heat and allow cooling for 10 minutes.
Whisk egg yolk and water together. Add cornstarch and continue to whisk until cornstarch is completely dissolved.
Slowly add warm hot sauce mixture to egg mixture. Continually whisk to create an emulsion.
Cover sauce and chill out until needed.

Halfway-Hot Wing Sauce

1 cup Frank’s cayenne pepper sauce
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1/8 teaspoon coarse ground black pepper

1 egg yolk
2 teaspoon water
2 teaspoon cornstarch

Combine first seven ingredients for the sauce your choice in a small saucepan. Heat sauce over medium heat until boiling, reduce heat and simmer for 5 minutes. Remove from heat and allow it to cool, uncovered, for 10 minutes.
While the sauce cools, whisk the egg yolk with 2 teaspoons water in a medium bowl until pale yellow. Whisk in cornstarch until dissolved. Drizzle the hot sauce mixture into the egg yolk mixture in a steady stream while rapidly whisking. Cover the sauce and chill out again until ready to serve.

Hottie Wings Sauce

1 cup Frank’s cayenne pepper sauce
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon granulated sugar
1 and 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1/8 Teaspoon coarse ground black pepper

1 egg yolk
2 Teaspoons water
2 Teaspoons cornstarch

Mix together first 6 ingredients in a small sauce pan. Heat until boiling, reduce heat and simmer until desired consistency – approximately 10 minutes.
Whisk egg yolk, water and cornstarch in a bowl large enough to hold all of the sauce
Slowly pouring the hot sauce into the cornstarch mixture. Pour very slowly at first to temper the ingredients so the egg doesn’t cook.

Hot Like Fire (Oooh)

6 fresh habanero peppers (with seeds)
5 lemon drop peppers (or other small hot pepper)
8 jalapenos (with seeds)
2-3 garlic cloves
2 cups white vinegar
1/4 teaspoon ground oregano
1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon mustard powder
fresh ground black pepper to taste
salt to taste

For this recipe, combine six habanero peppers with seeds, five other hot peppers of your educated choosing, eight fresh jalapenos and two garlic cloves in a blender. Blend the piss out of it. Combine the peppers and garlic with two cups of white vinegar, 1/4 teaspoons each of oregano and cumin (both ground), 1/2 teaspoons each of mustard and onion powder and salt and pepper to taste. We’ve found that if you cook it for about ten minutes on a medium burner it helps bring everything together and if you don’t like the chunks you can always strain it a little. Don’t touch your face or any human being in their fun parts after making this unless you wore gloves. Seriously, not cool.

Mangifera Capsicum Chinense (aka Hot Pepper Mango)

2 cups Mango Nectar (found in your local grocery store in the Hispanic aisle)
Half a bottle or whatever of any habenero hot sauce. It seriously doesn’t matter how much.
1 tablespoon corn syrup or sugar
1/4 cup Frank’s cayenne pepper sauce

Put the Mango Nectar and habanero sauce on the stove top for about fifteen minutes on medium stirring occasionally. What you want to do is reduce the water out of the nectar. It’ll be a fantastic looking orange and you’ll notice it getting thicker as time goes on. Mix that in with everything else once it’s reduced and claim your rightful throne as sauce master of the apartment complex.

Multicultural Zest

2 teaspoons cornstarch
4 teaspoons rice wine vinegar
1/2 cup corn syrup
1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup chili-garlic sauce (Sriracha, brah brah!)
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

Dissolve cornstarch in rice wine vinegar in a small bowl and set aside. In a small saucepan combine remaining ingredients. Add cornstarch and rice wine vinegar mixture and stir well. Heat mixture on low/medium heat, stirring often until sauce reaches a boil and thickens. Remove from heat, allow it to cool then cover it and chill it until ready to use.

Caribou’s Are Jerks

3 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons minced green onions
1 cup water
3/4 cup ketchup
1/2 cup dark brown sugar
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
2 tablespoons hot sauce (Cholula perhaps? But any hot sauce will do)
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1 1/2 teaspoons cayenne pepper
1 1/2 teaspoons parsley
1 teaspoon cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon allspice
1/8 teaspoon sage
1/8 teaspoon thyme

Sauté onions in butter in a sauce pan. Whisk in all other remaining ingredients and bring to boil. Simmer for 45 minutes. Boom.