Thanks again, Internet, for making big stupid mountains out of molehills.
Good god, people are just the worst. And if you've had the misfortune of spending any amount of time on the web recently, you'll have the head-shakingly stupid experience of hearing about the "red cup controversy."
If you haven't, you're lucky. But apparently, Starbucks hates Jesus and Christmas. Or something like that. It's really unclear. But by not putting Christmasy crap on their cups (which they unveiled in November, like a bunch of assholes), Christians around the world are beside themselves with rage, because come on! How could a massive corporation bend to the will of Pagans and Satanists like that!
Here's a chart detailing Starbuck's slow decent into the jaws of hell:
Pretty startling, right? Well, the good people at Starbucks had a pretty good rationale behind the choice too:
"Starbucks has become a place of sanctuary during the holidays," Jeffrey Fields, Starbucks vice president of design and content, said in a statement. "We’re embracing the simplicity and the quietness of it. It’s a more open way to usher in the holiday."
Sounds great. So why the hell is everyone losing their minds? Turns out, it was just one asshole guy the whole time.
So Josh Feuerstein is a super conservative Christian nutball, and he posted a video about how pissed off he was about the cups not having snowflakes or Santa on them … or something.
And it went viral, and then the media heard about it, and then it just exploded. As you can see, the overwhelming majority of people don't like this video, the comments are making fun of him, and he's mostly just spewing bullshit anyway.
But now he's on the news, giving interviews and people are taking him seriously. Why, America? Why? And who cares about a stupid cup anyway?
Answer: this fat moron.
In a statement to The Washington Post, Feuerstein wrote that, "The cup is symbolic of a larger war against Christianity in this country. The policemen of political correctness have demanded that the silent majority bend its knee to a vocal minority." He adds: "Starbucks and others know that Americans are drawing a line in the sand and refusing to remain silent any longer."
The media tricked us into thinking that there were legions of people furious about the Starbucks cup … when really, it was just that one idiot.
And this isn't anything new, by the way. Just a few weeks ago, the media had a shitstorm over the racist volcano that erupted with people found out there'd be a black guy in the new Star Wars:
And this lead to a trending #BoycottStarWarsVII on Twitter … but if you actually look at the hashtag, you'll see roughly 95 percent of those using it are talking about how ridiculous and disgusting the hashtag is, or retweet-shaming actual racist tweets. The entire debacle was actually just two trolls on Twitter trying to piss people off. No one was actually a racist shitbag — and if they actually were, why would we dedicate so much air time to them?
So one idiot started ranting on social and it went worldwide. What we can learn here, folks, is to generally ignore people.