They say there’s someone for everyone, and after diving head-first into the dark cesspools of cyber match-making, we’re sure that’s true. Here are some of the weirdest, real dating websites, in case you’re not having any luck finding gluten-free gangs of sister-wives to spend the rest of your days with.
If you’re a staunch Trump supporter, you might have a tough time on dates when the Donald comes up in conversation. Finally, you can make dating great again with TrumpSingles.com, a site that allows you to find a partner who shares your political views. After all, just because you want to build a wall around our borders doesn’t mean you want to build a wall around your heart.
If moustache rides are the only rides you get on and full beards turn your gears, we’ve got a dating site for you. With StachePassions.com, you can browse the market for endless facial hair and hand select the handlebars that best suit your style.
Sometimes, making magic at children’s birthday parties just isn’t enough. Start making magic in the bedroom too, with ClownDating.com — the very first dating site for circus performers. If you’re no longer clowning around about finding love, this is the place for you.
Stir-crazy single ladies can log onto MissTravel.com to find rich jet-setters who want attractive company on their foreign holidays and business trips. Before you travel, look up someone you’d like to get cozy with, or even allow someone to “sponsor” your lavish trip. Nothing says love like a week in Morocco with a strange man who hand-feeds you chocolate-covered raisins.
If you consider yourself aesthetically average, the UglyBugBall is where you’ll find someone just as unappealing as you. Sift through unflattering profile pics, and begin to feel confidence in your blotchy skin and snaggle teeth. Better yet, if you’re just looking to get some grotesque bump and grind with a solid 4, there’s a naughty, no-strings-attached version of the site just for you.
Life is hard for a gamer; you’re always faced with the decision of going out into the sun and finding a real person who probably will disapprove of how you spend your free time or staying in and flirting with avatar princesses who may or may not be your preferred sex. Finally, with VideoGamerDating.com, you can find a girl who will think twice about cutting off your head in multiplayer mode.
There’s something satisfying about soiling yourself whenever you please, but there’s also something about an adult wearing diapers for sexual satisfaction that the majority of the population doesn’t quite understand. But that’s OK, because with DiaperMates.com, there’s finally a place where diaper fetishists can go to find people to powder, change, and tend to their oversized nappies.
Just because you’ve got a debilitating gut condition doesn’t mean you should die alone. On GlutenfreeSingles.com, find fellow glutards to take on romantic dinner dates where you can’t eat a single thing on the menu. While wheat may be in damn near every food product on the planet, it doesn’t have to be in your love life.
If you want to wait until you tie the knot to get freaky, it’s not going to be easy for you to find love online. Thank the Lord there’s now a website — WaitingTillMarriage.org — where you can find other virgins to not bang until you get married. But don’t forget: you can still have butt sex. Everyone knows that’s the sex that God can’t see.
Redeem yourself for scaring off so many of your mom’s suitors when you were 7 years old, and sign your parent up for MyLovelyParent.com. Finally, you and other worried, regretful kids can swap parents like Pokemon cards. This is actually a lot easier than helping them navigate a new social media site, anyway.
If you’ve only got two wives, you’re slacking. And when the women in your community are all old news or taken, head over to SisterWives.us. You’ll be able to find lonely women who won’t mind being Tuesday on your wife rotation.
If you’re a sweet-blooded temptress, sultry vampires come to you. But for the lonely who not even the dead will touch, VampireDatingSite.com allows you to make the first move. Make sure you post a sexy picture of your jugular.