Wildfires have jumped the fence and skipped the wild. Every summer it seems, these so-called natural disasters are ravaging the most expensive real estate in the nation. Lahaina, Hawaii, Paradise, California, and even here in Superior, Colorado. Wildfires with puzzling origins start spontaneously and move at lightning speeds, vaporizing neighborhoods, melting vehicles, and leaving nothing behind except charred foundations. 


Global warming gets the brunt of the blame. Deservedly. It has set the table with droughts, heat waves, more erratic and intense weather events, etc. But something deeper seems to be at play as well. And if you take a moment and look at the situation from the point of view of a paranoid schizophrenic it all becomes crystal clear: wildfires lately, seem targeted — as if someone is intentionally sparking them, using climate change like a weapon; throwing a match beam into someone else’s tinder box…


Does that sound deranged and detached from reality? Have I wandered too far across the hard line of speculative journalism?!


Probably. But that’s what we do here, goddamnit. So let’s dive into the facts and cold hard conjecture of this strange and ominous case. 


A DEW-sy Situation


There are over 7,700 active satellites orbiting Earth right now. The US-of-A is responsible for 3,415; of those, the US Military claims 137. Our National Reconnaissance Office (NRO) claims another 47. And while the CIA says it has “exactly zero,” that’s as good as admitting to maintaining a clandestine fleet of Black Sats hurtling around the Earth’s Exosphere like ghosts. 


One has to imagine that these agencies could be launching weaponized satellites into orbit. And since we’re talking about science fiction-level conspiracy theories, one has to imagine further that such satellites could be equipped with laser technology that could start wildfires from space — for military, tactical, or even financial gain. They’re called directed energy weapons (DEW) and they’ve been around for a long time. Israel recently unveiled its DEW “Laser Dome” anti-missile defense system. China also recently announced a huge breakthrough in DEW technology that they’re likely itching to show off. And of course, you know Uncle Sam has some of the biggest swingin’ laser tech on the block. 


Would you put it past the faceless agencies responsible for MK-Ultra? Is it too far beyond reason to consider money, power, and military advances could be behind some of the most destructive — and subsequently profitable — wildfires in recent history?


If you haven’t turned the page yet you’re either smart enough or crazy enough to follow this logic. So let’s assume this theory as fact and move on, to the current, leading hypotheses floating around the conspira-sphere about the peculiar case of North America’s space laser wildfire attacks.


Military Tom-Foolery


Let’s start with the most obvious explanation. If it’s the case that someone is starting wildfires from space with lasers (or DEWs), fingers intuitively point at the military and intelligence organizations first. They’ve always got the coolest new toys of mass destruction. 


But what would they gain from starting wildfires?


Perhaps they’re testing new technology. It could also be a foreign adversary flexing on the US with new capabilities. Or, perhaps they’re being used to erase the evidence of some kind of military installation or test. 


It’s a stretch, to be honest. I don’t often like to let military and intelligence bastards off the hook. But in this case, I think we need to point our fingers at the realtors. 


Realtor Moguls and Construction Magnates


If anyone is profiting off of fires ripping through picturesque, high-value properties like those on Lahaina and in Paradise, it’s the real estate companies who end up selling them, and the construction contractors who end up rebuilding them. They swoop in like sharks. They plunder the victims. 


Private companies are launching satellites into space by the thousands. And a WEF attack is all but untraceable. A Haliburton-esque contractor or mad real estate mogul would have the means to launch such a weapon (or to sublease one from China or India at the very least). Then they could incinerate whatever beachfront neighborhood they wanted, and pounce on the profits before the ash even settled. 


The New World Order


It is the policy of our Illuminati shadow government to never let a good crisis go to waste. In a time of crisis, power is ripe for the seizing. And what could possibly be a better crisis than an unstoppable natural disaster on a global scale? It would require international solutions, laws and enforcement, population management and travel controls… 


Of course, I’m not suggesting by any stretch that climate change isn’t real. But if you were part of a power structure that existed beyond governments and you knew your greatest chance at securing ultimate power rested on advancing the greatest natural disaster in human history, wouldn’t you use some of your infinite resources to try and spark that wildfire?