A Florida woman gave a whole new meaning to "serve and protect" last week when she called 911 in search of a cop who could do an "extra duty" for her. And by "extra duty, we mean "sex-tra duty" (sorry, we had to). Cue the porn music!

A Florida woman gave a whole new meaning to "serve and protect" last week when she called 911 in search of a cop who could do an "extra duty" for her. And by "extra duty, we mean "sex-tra duty" (sorry, we had to). Cue the porn music!

Maria Montenez-Colon made the call just after 6 p.m., complaining that she wanted her Corvette back, and would need an officer to assist her. But when an officer arrived at her house, it wasn't her Corvette she wanted. It was his dick. Turn up the porn music!

"I am so horny," she told him. "I haven't been penetrated in years." The officer tried to steer the conversation back to the topic of the call, asking what he could do for her, to which Maria eloquently replied, "You can fuck me."

He, however, was not interested in any fucking, which is weird because when we use the "I haven't been penetrated in years line" it works every time. The officer then calmly tried to explain to her that she had legally ceded her Corvette to her step-son as she called him sexy attempted to rub his chest. He left, feeling that his professional duty as a policeman didn't extend to helping civilians escape the throes of unbridled horniness.  But Maria was still craving bacon.

So, she called 911 a second time, complaining that the first officer who was at her home had "pissed her off." A second officer was dispatched to her house, who was accompanied by the original officer. When they arrived, Maria explained to the second officer that the first officer had been "a perfect gentleman, but when I asked him to fuck me, he turned me down so that made me angry."

When the first officer asked her if she remembered the conversation about the Corvette they had earlier, Maria looked him straight in the eye, and said ""I do, but how else am I going to get you to fuck me?" Zinger! 

Poor Maria was booked for misusing the emergency line, an arrest that marked her fifth trip to jail in a year. Clearly, the woman has never heard of Craigslist.