Expiration dates don’t scare you; you’ll eat that possibly three-week old, maybe Chinese take-out. Here’s how to make sure that doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass.

Expiration dates don’t scare you; you’ll eat that possibly three-week old, maybe Chinese take-out. Here’s how to make sure that doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass.

Eggs:
Eggs are the culinary miscreant’s guilty pleasure. You’ll push the edible limitations of this scrumptious protein for as long as the smell-test permits, which happens to be forever. Luckily for you, the Egg Safety Center says properly storing eggs in refrigerated conditions increases their spinach-and-tomato-omelet lifespan up to four to five weeks after the sell-by date. This only works as long as the eggs are not placed in the door of the refrigerator. Fluctuations in temperatures from the door opening and closing can allow bacteria to grow. Unless you wish to punish your roommate with a ruthless case of salmonella, store your eggs consistently at
45 degrees or below.
Possible solution to a bad decision:
Before pushing the possibilities of dropping a salmonella A-bomb on your stomach, drop your eggs in a bowl of water. If they sink they’re fine, but if they float to the top, they’re bad.

Meats:
That juicy piece of meat you dedicated your week’s salary to rests helplessly on the bottom shelf of your fridge. Throw it away, and you just wasted $20. Eat it, and you might be headed to the ER. First-world problems. Worry not, because you might have more time than you originally thought. According to the government’s food safety division, your delicious whole cut of meat can last three to five days in the fridge before spoiling. Unfortunately, that ground meat or chicken doesn’t have the same vitality, only lasting one to two days before kicking the bucket. When your meat has a brown color reminiscent of something that looks highly inedible, then chances are, your survival instincts are right, and you should avoid the meat. If your chicken smells of a dead carcass in the desert, heed the warning, and move on. If, however, the sealed ground beef on a store shelf looks a little purple, that’s actually a sign of freshness. Freaky, huh?
Possible solution to a bad decision:
Provided you’re starving and can’t fathom seeing a beautiful cut of protein go to waste, cook the meat until it reaches 160/165 degrees for at least three minutes. This should annihilate any bacteria.

Butter:
Want to make it better? Add more butter. That is unless your butter develops a green layer of slimy residue and smells like Hulk’s penis. Then you should avoid butter at all costs. According to the USDA, butter can last for up to three months in the refrigerator, but what do they know? Salt, pasteurized milk and low water content make it hard for bacteria to grow on butter. The real problem is rancidity. Keeping your butter covered reduces its air exposure and preserves its functionality. When it does start to smell or turn an off color, stop being a cheap bastard, and go buy a new stick of butter.
Possible solution to a bad decision:
It’s as easy as simply storing your butter in the refrigerator to avoid any type of pathogen growth.

Leftovers:
There’s a lingering box of General Tso’s chicken peeking around the corner of the milk in the fridge, teasing your appetite. You’re looking, and you’re liking. The only obstacle standing between you and the general’s bliss is the lingering uncertainty as to when you splurged on that late-night, stoned munchy sesh. Quell that fear by knowing the Mayo Clinic advises leftovers in the fridge can last four days before the risk of foodborne illness increases. Whether it’s hot leftovers or cold sandwiches and salads, this medical recommendation applies. Furthermore, if leftovers are left out at room temperature conditions for longer than two hours, they should be disposed of immediately. Yes, the sushi was expensive, but so is the hospital bill for listeria.
Possible solution to a bad decision:
Heat all leftovers in the oven to guarantee you obliterate every last organism of bacteria by hitting a scorching 165-degree cooking temperature at the center of your food.  

Pasta, Rice and Flour:
Your love for mac and cheese may stay safely intact, given that your staple ingredients have a perennial shelf life longer than your current sexual dry spell. These dry pantry ingredients can sit safely in an airtight container or box for up to two years without spoiling. That is as long as they don’t have any exposure to water or moisture. What your high school chemistry class taught you about water fomenting bacteria was true and still is true when it comes to culinary negligence in your pantry. Keep the water out, and keep the ramen flowing. The only other ingredients that maintain a longer shelf life are sugar and honey.
Possible solution to a bad decision:
Should your dry ingredients get wet and begin growing a bacteria, you should toss them out to avoid bacteria spores hatching in your stomach. See, we told you we were here to help.