Not unlike the way feces attracts flies, a newly released 77-pack of beer released by Natty Light has drawn out booze-sniffing frat boys to College Park, Maryland— the exclusive site where the 77-pack is sold.
The hexagonal Natty Light case looks similar to the size of a mini keg, except each beer is individually canned and instead of a total 165 bottles per average keg there are only (only?) 77.
Why 77? Well, the Anheuser Busch brand Natty Light was founded in 1977 so there you go. Frat boy math at its finest.
The new 77-pack sits on the tail of Natty Light’s recent ‘resume on a racecar’ promotion, which awarded one lucky, light-beer drinking college graduate with their professional resume (and picture) painted onto Chris Buescher’s NASCAR No. 37 car, which drove during the Las Vegas South Point 400 race this past September.
Sure, that was timely enough to promote getting a real job by fall instead of continuing to live in your parents’ basement drinking beer in a blow-up pool while your buddies wear button downs to the office. But hey, if you didn’t get a job just consider this your calling to make pilgrimage to College Park, Maryland and partake in the blessing of the 77-pack.
If you found yourself cringing at the news of Natty’s 77-pack it might not even be because you dislike the flavor (which I for one actually love because it tastes like mineral water and doesn’t make me bloat as quickly as an IPA). No, you could be cringing because the time in which Natty announced the 77-pack makes us immediately think Brett Kavanaugh would have been straight giddy to buy himself one or two or three or four, being the yearbook-appointed Treasurer for the Keg City Club.
And then we lose our taste for Natty Light… and all beer in general.
Indeed, 77 Natty Lights will probably make you blackout, and releasing this timebomb only near UMD bros might be a blackout fest waiting to happen, but hopefully college men (and women) know by now they need to handle their fucking booze better.
Let’s play a game. When an image of the new Natty Light pack was teased on the company’s official Twitter, how many cans did followers hope were inside?
69 is the only correct answer here.
— Tyler Durden II (@BroMontana34) October 5, 2018
Self-anointed “professional bro” @BroMontana34 wrote, “69 is the only correct answer here.”
@ML_5 whose only description includes the hashtag #GoState was equally as excited to sound off, “69!!” (Double exclamation point for double the excitement).
Natty Light’s PR even writes, “We think if the pack had 8 less beers it might be a bittttt more Natty, but hey, who are we to decide?”
About five more Twitter users shouted out 69 as the # of cans they hoped were inside, which once again seems to have the opposite effect of making me want to drink any Natty Light.
Whether it’s 69, 77, or any other number, Natty Light fanboys are already packing up their cars and making the drive to College Park to become a part of drunk history. If only voting polls were made of beer towers.