Okay, gentlemen. We fucked up.

It goes without saying that Generation Y has been provided with a deceitful, maddening and often times incomprehensible playbook to abide by when interacting with the opposite sex. If 90 percent of the instructions on how to meet a great guy/girl is in English, the final ten percent needed in order to successfully find a significant other is written in some sort of abominable collection of muted grunts and gurgles that civilization never really pick up on. Meaning we have no way of deciphering the last portion of the text that we often times view as the missing piece of the puzzle.

This is where the even shittier news comes into play.

Rather than trying to rewrite the final act of the mating manuscript as a whole, where both men and women could provide input and feedback as to what each group found attractive or unattractive and how to progress towards a healthy dynamic between the two species, a small group of radical males (radical in the psychologically impaired sense) decided to take matters into their own hands and just sort of wing it based on their own intuitions.

Thus, the dawn of the fuckboy.

The fuckboy is a subspecies of the male population that harbors malcontent for women due to their own inability to elicit the response they were hoping to get from a conversation starter like, “Yo. You should come over.”

A damn fine offer, right? You’ll have to pardon women for being so foolish to promptly respond with, “No, I’m good. Kindly piss off.”

I get it, fuckboys. Words are hard. Proper communication is something that isn’t really practiced by your kind because you’re too busy blowing up OkCupid while finger blasting your man bun. There’s only so many hours in a day. Might as well make the most of ‘em.

Now, I also get that you have needs. I understand how a healthy, committed relationship to only one other individual is a daunting scenario. But do the rest of the male population a favor and stop sabotaging the playing field for the people who are actually trying to connect and engage with someone past the “Amazon Prime and you-know-what-comes-next” phase. And just to be clear, this isn’t an attempt at advocacy for monogamy. I celebrate and respect the single and independent populous. I’m a big proponent of the self-discovery that only happens when an individual is alone with his or her thoughts.The problem with that is a fuckboy’s primary thought process revolves almost entirely around figuring out how many dick pics he can send in under an hour.

This rant is far from over, but I’m going to do my best to put this topic to bed before I get ahead of myself. Fuckboys, we thank you for making the rest of us look really awesome in comparison to your salaciously douche-ridden ways. Maybe a wake up call is in order, but in the meantime we’ll graciously wait for you to run your reputation into the ground and hope that your behavior doesn’t result in women viewing all dudes as nothing more than dumpster fires wrapped in caution tape. Here’s to hoping for a clean separation of the two demographics.