You get a house! You get a house! Everyone gets a house!

It's way too expensive to live in Boulder.

Average rent for a two bedroom house hovers around $2,000 per month, and when you factor in internet and utilities, it creeps up towards $2,300. Boulder rent is 25 percent more expensive than both Denver and Los Angeles, which is crazy because Brad Pitt lives in one of those.

That would be fine if it was possible to build a shelter out of healing crystals, liberalism and these things …


… but sadly, you can't insulate a Boulder trinket-fort the same way you can a real house.

Fortunately, Boulder's new fairy cash-mother Google is here to rescue us. They've just invested a massive $41.7 million in state-issued bonds to develop affordable housing in Boulder.

The Daily Camera reports: "Google and its investment fund, Red Stone Tax Exempt Funding, have invested in construction and permanent mortgage capital for more than 200 apartments in the city's affordable housing program."

Wow, um … thank you?

Of course, Google isn't just doing this for shits … they're building a brand new campus in Boulder which is set to employ as many as 1,500 people, making it Google's biggest property to date. The tech invasion of our little mountain utopia has begun.

When they made the announcement that they'd be Googlizing Boulder last year, locals got all squirmy thinking about the adverse effect a bunch of millionaire tech nerds moving to town could have on the housing market. Resident were rightly worried that Google employees would drive up prices and push Boulder's already strained students, minorities and other poor-ish people to the outskirts of town.

If you ask us, this affordable housing development project is Google's thinly veiled effort to silence anyone who's worried they'll no longer be able to afford their home. It's a welcoming gift bestowed on the natives by colonizers, kind of like how the Spanish gave Native Americans horses to distract them from the smallpox blankets.

Okay, maybe it's not that grim, and we'll definitely be happy to have more affordable housing, but the word "affordable" is subjective. The pricing of affordable housing is based on median income. The median income is likely to increase when the Googlers come. The question is whether these "affordable" homes will be affordable to the average Boulderite, or just to the computer nerd family who moved here from San Francisco with their Segways, Teslas and Google Glasses.

Anyway, Longmont's looking pretty not bad right now …