America has spoken, and by their hallowed decree, it has been decided that your 2014 Denver Broncos are the country's favorite football team (applause). Yes, Peyton Manning's muscular, pizza-empire-building hands are what Americans dream of as they float through the restorative REM sleep of dedicated fandom.

 

America has spoken, and by their hallowed decree, it has been decided that your 2014 Denver Broncos are the country's favorite football team (applause). Yes, Peyton Manning's muscular, pizza-empire-building hands are what Americans dream of as they float through the restorative REM sleep of dedicated fandom.

The momentous and thoroughly obvious news comes from The Harris Poll, which surveyed 2,543 adults (1,275 of whom said they followed professional football). Ahh, isn't it comforting that nearly half of survey participants don't even follow football, but they still went with the Broncos? We can feel the warm hug of survey validity embracing us.

So, why are people so #obsessed with us right now? Well, it could be because Peyton Manning is the most famous quarterback that isn't John Elway, who currently serves as the Bronco's top executive as well as serves "Hot Appetizer Towers" at his restaurant, Elway's … Elway. Elway. Elway.

Or, it could be that Denver is constantly in the news because of weed and comedy and hot people and jobs and what have you, so when people are asked what their favorite team is, they instantly think of the one that's the highest, sexiest, most employed, and funniest. That would be ours! We're so stoned and beautiful!

The Broncos dethroned the Dallas Cowboys for the title, who were America's favorite team for the last six years in a row … for some goddamn reason. What is even in Dallas? Gas stations? Whatever. Go home Dallas.

The Seattle Seacocks came in at #6 on the list, which makes us feel pretty cool. We mean, if we can't beat them on the field, we should at least be able to beat them in a popularity contest, right? That's what really matters anyway.

The Broncos are currently 4-1, with playboy Peyton poised to break Brett Favre's NFL mark for most career touchdown passes (508). Peyton has thrown 506 touchdown passes in his career. Huh … we would have said 420, what with his recent statements about his Papa John's franchises and all.

The Broncos have the NFL's second-longest home sellout streak and have sold out every home game since the start of the 1970 season. So … great job!

That's right, we're the prom queen this year, bitches.