"With your help, we can ensure that the band do not schedule any gigs here, do not attempt to come here – nor even phone here," promises the Kickstarter, gently soothing the anxieties of countless Brits who live in constant fear of having Nickelback return to their home to pillage their eardrums. Okay guys, we know we promised to never copy England's behaviors again after that whole Revolutionary war thing … but we feel like this is a pretty reasonable exception.

"With your help, we can ensure that the band do not schedule any gigs here, do not attempt to come here – nor even phone here," promises the Kickstarter, gently soothing the anxieties of countless Brits who live in constant fear of having Nickelback return to their home to pillage their eardrums. Okay guys, we know we promised to never copy England's behaviors again after that whole Revolutionary war thing … but we feel like this is a pretty reasonable exception.

"Just imagine, thousands – perhaps tens of thousands of music lovers – all not witnessing an exclusive concert by Nickelback in London. It will be glorious. Legendary," writes the Kickstarter's founder, Craig Mandell. We can already feel a sort of cleansing, holy embrace as we picture Craig's vision of a Nickelback-free world. He's like the Pied Piper of terrible music.

Nickelback is set to release their eighth full-length studio album in November, so they're undoubtedly planning some kind of self-congratulatory tour to support it. And while they don't have any scheduled dates in London, Craig's working his hardest to try to keep it that way by trying to raise funds before the cacophonous quartet chooses cities for their reign of terror/ tour.

Sigh. Some people are just born good.

But why would someone go to such lengths to prevent Nickelback from playing? Well, to answer that question, Craig included a handy little FAQ on his Kickstarter page for your viewing pleasure:

FAQ

Q. What's wrong with Nickelback?

A. Go listen to them.

Q. I did listen to them. What's wrong with Nickelback?

A. Ah, forgive us. You mean what's wrong with them as in, what could possibly lead them to create such unlistenable music? We don't know.

Q.  What makes you think Nickelback will listen to you?

A. Well frankly, their ability to hear at all is clearly in question, so they may not. But we sure can try, Billy. We sure can try.

Well, the man knows how to argue.

And what do you get in return for your generous donation? Well, for $5, Craig will send Nickelback a "slightly forceful email" on your behalf, insisting that they don't play in London in the foreseeable future. For $10, Craig will send them a mildly expletive one, from you to them, demanding the stay the hell away. And for a whopping $50, Craig will send Nickelback's own music to them, ensuring that the band will stay out of London and your auditory cortex for years to come.

Someone get Craig a Purple Heart or a Medal of Honor or at least an ice cream cake.

However, Craig's Kickstarter is currently looking like the website equivalent of wilted celery; it's only raised $112 of the requested $1,000, and only boasts 23 supporters. However, there are 27 days left to raise the full amount, so don't start emptying your savings just yet.

In the meantime, we'll be starting a Kickstarter to stop Pitbull from naming cities in his raps, so check back on that soon.