So you're ready to take that casual friendship to the next level, huh? Ready to dip your toes into the warm, soothing waters of bromance? Congratulations, bro. Follow our simple guide to a more intense friendship, and we promise your blossoming bromance will last until the end of forever, or our name isn't Rooster.
So you're ready to take that casual friendship to the next level, huh? Ready to dip your toes into the warm, soothing waters of bromance? Congratulations, bro. Follow our simple guide to a more intense friendship, and we promise your blossoming bromance will last until the end of forever, or our name isn't Rooster.
Sync your cycles.
Nurturing your bromance means synchronizing your schedules so you can maximize your time together. Make sure you wake up, get off work, and eat at the same times. You're also going to want to learn how to sync your pooping schedules. When else are you going to be able to catch up on your mobile Scrabble game?
Learn about each other's hair.
Consult each other before shaving your beard, growing your mustache, or shaving an ICP juggalo into the back of your head. Asking your bro babe for advice on important matters like these is vital to making him understand that you trust and value him as a homosocial bonding partner.
That thing where you're both peeing and you combine your dreams to create one mega stream.
It's symbolic for your relationship: two parts combining to make an awe-inspiring whole.
Have children for no other reason than so your bro can be their godfather.
The greatest gift of all is the gift of family, so make your one true bro part of yours by giving them an equal share in ownership of your child. Plus, when you're both "Godfathers," it'll make your endless reciting of lines from The Godfather ironic enough to be excusable.
Late-night-discussions about the intimate chocolate kiosk business you're going to open together at the airport.
Your bromance can be all fun and games if you're lazy, but real bromances are based around a mutual investment in a failing business. Believe in each other's ideas, and your bromance will blossom like a beautiful spring flower.
Slumber together, entwined in a loving embrace.
Everyone knows your friend isn't really your friend until you've woken up being big-spooned by him as he drools into your ear.
Secret handshakes … or dick-shakes if you're pro.
One thing you can share, other than a piece of spaghetti that you're Lady-and-the-Tramping, is a secret handshake that no one know or dares to attempt. Bonus points if you can incorporate flame, butt slapping, or parkour. Google "docking" if you want to ensure that no one will ever be better friends than you guys are.
River rafting trip!
Because when you pull him, half conscious and hypothermic out of the water, and your strong arm is the first thing touches that isn't an eel, nothing, not even the Level 5 rapids he fell off the raft into, will tear you apart.
Speaking of rivers, they're great for skinny dipping.
Knowing every perfect imperfection of each other's bodies is a vital part of the bromance package. And nothing will set your friendship in stone like finding out if each other is a grower or shower as you splash gleefully into a river.
Change your Instagram handle together.
Social media is a great platform to assert your bromance to the rest of the world, so change your Instagram or Twitter handles to demonstrate ownership of each other. Need some inspiration? "BenIsMyFriendNotYoursSoFuckOffLoser," "SethsFriend_001," or "Alex_and_Luke_69_Forever_Partytime" are cool places to start.
Meet the parents.
You don't really know your bro until you know the people that combined their DNA to create them, so get cozy with your bro's parentals. They'll start inviting you over for dinners in which they reveal adorable little-known-facts about their son to you. Did you know he had braces until he as 19? Cute. Have you heard the story about how he nailed a baseball so hard that it flew into his creepy neighbor's yard, where he had to battle a monstrous guard to get it back? That's just The Sandlot, you idiot. The point is you'll learn things about each other you never would have otherwise, and if that doesn't melt your heart and sort of give you a boner, you're probably in a coma.
Go halvsies on a baby orphan.
The experience of having to explain to your child that they're adopted will bond you for life. And we mean come on, who hasn't wanted their lives to be a Two and a Half Men episode? Charlie Sheen, that's who.
Neglect your girlfriends so you can chill.
Romance is fleeting, but bromance is eternal. Make sure to text your bro during sex with your girlfriend or answer his calls while you're on a romantic date; you wouldn't want him to feel neglected. "Who do you keep texting?" she'll ask. "It's my grandpa. He's sick," you'll say.
Declare your love with your eyes, not your mouth.
At this point, it's clear as day where your love stands, but the first rule of bromance is that you do not talk about the bromance. But don't worry, you can still express how you feel using your eyes. Everyone knows eyes are the windows to the soul, so when you share a hearty laugh or split an exotic dancer, give him a look that says "I understand every gene in your genome."
Have a threesome.
Tunnel buddies are buddies for life, mainly because sharing an Amoxicillin prescription will become vital once one of you turns 26 and gets kicked off your parent's health insurance.
Bury the body together.
… Wait, what?
And lastly, watch this instructional and inspirational film:
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