In this day and age, it's straight-up stupid how difficult it is to conduct marijuana research in this country. However Colorado is trying to change that by begging the feds to let its colleges and universities grow weed for research purposes. Um … if they need any test subjects, hi.

In this day and age, it's straight-up stupid how difficult it is to conduct marijuana research in this country. However Colorado is trying to change that by begging the feds to let its colleges and universities grow weed for research purposes. Um … if they need any test subjects, hi.

In a letter sent last month, the state attorney general's office asked federal health and education officials for permission for Colorado's colleges and universities to "obtain marijuana from non-federal government sources" for research purposes. Basically, that's their way of asking to grow their own weed, which would be beneficial because the cannabis supplied to research groups from the federal government is usually generic and comes in a few limited forms.

Think of it like this: the weed you can research is just one color in the web of the psychedelic color rainbow you saw on your last ayahuasca trip. It's like going to a sushi restaurant, but the only thing you can order is rice with a side of biased research.

"Current research is riddled with bias or insufficiencies and often conflict with one another," reads the letter. "It is critical that we be allowed to fill the void of scientific research, and this may only be done with your assistance and cooperation."

And while that request is legitimate and very dank, it's a long shot given the current state of marijuana research in our little country.

Because marijuana is still federally illegal, getting permission to research it requires slashing through an Amazonian jungle of red tape. You need approval from multiple federal agencies and have to uphold strict requirements on how the weed will be handled and stored. If you try to skirt federal stipulations, your ass is grass and it won't be long before you're sharing a jail cell with a serial strangler called Circus Dan.

However, despite the anemic marijuana research climate, an international treaty that the United States signed does allow for one federally-legal scholastic weed research operation. Since 1968, that place has been the University of Mississippi's National Center for Natural Products Research, a college grow site which cultivates weed on a 12-acre plot and sends it to approved researchers. We know what you're thinking … Mississippi? No comment.

Coincidentally, the National Institute on Drug Abuse just put the government's pot-farm contract up for rebid, meaning other colleges can apply to legally grow research weed. Hence the letter from the Colorado attorney general's office.

To be considered as the country's foremost collegiate kush castle, applicants needed to have 12 acres of "secured and video-monitored" outdoor space and 1,000 square feet of indoor space to grow marijuana. They also need to be able to make extractions, test for potency and prepare joints,  according to the official solicitation.

… For Colorado, consider those requirements fulfilled. Nowhere in the country has more access to indoor and outdoor grow space, nor does anyone do the amount of edible and extraction making and joint-rolling.

The contract's winner is expected to be announced in the next couple of months. It could be a Colorado college near you! Or it could be a college in Houston or Cleveland or something terrible.

Confusingly, spokespeople from the University of Colorado and Colorado State University said their schools did not apply to be the nation's weed plantation, which is bizarre. However, that leaves Denver University and … Front Range Community College (?!) as possible applicants for the bid.

However, the  Colorado attorney general's letter says the federal government falls short of being able to supply researchers with the kinds of products available in Colorado's commercial marijuana market … like most edibles, weed lube, dabs and what-have you. Whatever can be grown on the potential weed farm is mostly just straight-up weed, which doesn't really tell us a whole lot, especially given today's hyper-saturated weed byproduct atmosphere.

Good thing state health officials have just approved up to $8.4 million in grants for marijuana studies, some of which will examine Colorado-specific products, yielding more accurate, usable research. But again, they'll be using that Mississippi weed unless the government hears our cry to grow our own shit.

Can we just stop and say how great of an idea we think this is? Opponents of marijuana and legalization are always arguing that weed is "dangerous" and "damaging," but without a wealth of cannabis research, there's no way to prove or disprove that notion. Plus, as has been well-documented, marijuana can be therapeutic for a vast variety of conditions from depression to cancer. Shouldn't we be researching it to find out how it can be used safely to treat and moderate symptoms of emotional and physical disease? Shouldn't we be testing its efficacy and standardizing concentrations now that more and more states are legalizing it recreationally? If you answered yes, then you are not a droid.

Long story short, we're proud of Colorado for asking to expand marijuana research, and we're excited that one of our universities or colleges may be America's Next Top Marijuana Farm. Maybe one day, the cure for whiskey dick or split ends will be invented in a Colorado laboratory. It's okay to dream.