A bill was proposed last week by a group of legislators that would give the Colorado Parks and Wildlife Department the green light to reintroduce wolverines in Centennial state. Wolverines are native to the Rockies (no bumper sticker though), but became extinct in Colorado in the early 1900s. One fella did wander down from Wyoming and was spotted at Rocky Mountain National Park five years ago, but it’s rumored he just was visiting to get some legal cannabis. Presumably, the reintroduction will be in a remote area, such as Elk Springs, Eagle, or Greeley, but the state legislature has neither confirmed nor denied (because nobody has asked them) if this is part of their initiative to resolve homelessness.

As if hiking wasn’t scary enough with bears, moose, mountain lions, and now wolves, there may soon be a new creature you have to worry about on your 3-mile jaunt in the woods. Like, imagine you’re stopping for a drink of water and an RX bar and then this weasel-like creature comes scurrying over. Granted, I may be putting the cart before the horse, as I am not certain which type of wolverine the bill is referring to, because I didn’t read it.

If it’s Wolverine, as in Hugh Jackman, then sign me tf up. That hunk of man meat can visit Colorado anytime he wants, as long as he finally takes me on that camping trip that I keep dreaming about. And even if we don’t go camping, I’ll still pitch a tent. If it’s wolverines as in University of Michigan alum, well, I think we can all agree that there are enough people here from the Midwest. 

But if it winds up being the wolverine, as in the bloodthirsty animal that is known to take down moose and reindeer, then I think that’s a great idea because we’re going to need something to battle the very wolves that we’re currently in the process of reintroducing. And to the nerds out there who say wolves and wolverines do not hunt each other, I say that wolves weren’t always house pets who we take to brewery patios either, but sometimes life has a funny way of working out.

The bill would still have to pass through the Senate and House, and then likely have several years before a plan is actually set into action, but that’s not going to stop me from looking over my shoulder a bit more next time I’m on a hike.