We've come so far in Colorado in the world of weed. For the last year, citizens of the quadrilateral playground that is our state have been able to grow, cultivate, smoke and process marijuana within the crusty confines of our own homes. However, a recent lawsuit has drawn attention to a singular, insidious inconsistency in Colorado's marijuana legislation: that it is somehow still illegal to make marijuana concentrate at home, yet you can consume and purchase it under the protection of the law. The reason why? Oh, you know … a grammatical error.
We've come so far in Colorado in the world of weed. For the last year, citizens of the quadrilateral playground that is our state have been able to grow, cultivate, smoke and process marijuana within the crusty confines of our own homes. However, a recent lawsuit has drawn attention to a singular, insidious inconsistency in Colorado's marijuana legislation: that it is somehow still illegal to make marijuana concentrate at home, yet you can consume and purchase it under the protection of the law. The reason why? Oh, you know … a grammatical error.
An Oxford comma to be exact.
Yes, that Oxford comma. The one that gave your English teacher cause to smack you with a D+ on your paper about the use of dicks in postmodernist architecture.
And here's what it did to slaughter your dreams:
There's this guy, Eugene Christensen. He lives in Mesa, Colorado. He's being charged with reckless endangerment and manufacture of marijuana concentrate, which is Class 3 drug felony punishable by two to four years in prison.
Eugene's defense is that the state's law prohibiting manufacture of marijuana concentrate is now unconstitutional, after Colorado voters passed Amendment 64 in late 2012. The amendment legalizes limited possession of marijuana concentrate and also contains a provision allowing for "processing" of marijuana plants.
"The clear and unmistakable language of the Colorado Constitution is that it is legal in Colorado to process marijuana and marijuana concentrate and that such actions shall not be criminal offenses," said Eugene's attorney in a motion seeking to throw out the charge.
However, the attorney general's office prosecuting Eugene argues that Amendment 64 specifically exempts hash oil from the glorious world of legal weed. That argument is completely centered around terminology and punctuation.
Amendment 64 defines the term "marijuana" as not including "industrial hemp, nor does it include fiber produced from the stalks, oil, or cake made from the seeds of the plant."
It's that precocious little Oxford comma after "oil" in that sentence on which the attorney general's office hangs much of its argument. They argue that the exclusion of "oil" stands separately from any reference to industrial hemp or marijuana seeds, meaning that it's currently illegal for you to make any kind of marijuana oil in your own home.
But … had the writers of Amendment 64 been less charmed by the wily Oxford comma, that sentence could have been interpreted very differently and we might all be in our kitchens making weed oil slip and slides right now.
Aside for the fact that grammar is harshing our vibe, it's just strange that in this day and age, someone in Colorado is being charged and prosecuted over a weed-wording issue. Didn't the police say they had better things to do than go after small time weed experiments like some rural guy making weed oil in his kitchen? Hasn't anyone heart of cocaine?
And! And! Why is possession and consumption of weed oil legal but making it in your home isn't? Well, as it turns out, everyone is blowing up their homes trying to make weed oil. That's why Amendment 64 author Christian Sederberg, agreed they should be banned. However, he also aid the attorney general's argument about punctuation goes way beyond what Amendment 64's authors ever intended and could be used to ban hash oil possession and consumption.
Colorado, it seems, still has some tweaks it has to make to its marijuana legislation if it wants to play a fair game. And part of that fair game, ideally, would be the massacre of the Oxford comma.
That band Vampire Weekend has a song called "Oxford Comma," which asks grammatically-calibrated listeners, "Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?" Well, Vampire Weekend, only people who believe in constitutional rights, that's who. Peace out.
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