Sexy is as sexy does, and for some people being sexy is as simple as picking your nose or gnashing at a sandwich. Since serial ticklers are terrorizing Boston's young men, and allergy season is just beginning, let's reflect on some innocuous fetishes that make you sexy as shit, and you don't even have to try. 

 

Sexy is as sexy does, and for some people being sexy is as simple as picking your nose, or gnashing at a sandwich. Since serial ticklers are terrorizing Boston's young men, and allergy season is just beginning, lets reflect on some innocuous fetishes that make you sexy as shit, without even trying.

Knismolagnia – arousal and erotic gratification from tickling

The Boston Tickler is a knismolagniac, he gets hard as a rock from tickling folks, or being tickled. So, those drunken, tickle matches you and your buddies have after a 30-rack of Keystone aren't that innocent. 

Acarophilia – sexual arousal from scratching

As you sit there scratching your head, wondering how anyone could find tickling that sexy, know that an acarophiliac is rubbing one out watching you. They find scratching so sexy, they'd probably give you wool underwear for Christmas.

Mucophilia – arousal upon seeing or hearing a sneeze

If you think you're being polite by covering your sneeze, when you're in the presence of a mucophile, you're being very rude. Sneezes are like mini orgasms for these folks, and allergy season is like a non-stop porn. They won't be handing you an Allegra anytime soon. 

Nasophilia – strong sexual attraction to the nose

And, if we're talking about being rude, isn't picking your nose gross and rude? Not to a nasophile. They'd gleefully jerk it while watching you dig for gold, so next time you find yourself alone in your car, go for it. You never know whose day you could make. 

Onychophila – sexual arousal from fingernails

You're getting nervous about all these fetishes you don't even know you're enabling, so of course, you start biting your nails. But wait, when you do that onychophiles everywhere collectively come. And, you start to wonder what Ahn is really thinking while touching up that manicure. 

Frotteurism – deriving sexual pleasure from touching an non-consenting person in public

You're standing on a crowded bus when you feel a hand on your butt for just a second. Happy accident? Probably not, you've got a frotteur on your hands, these folks take advantage of close quarters and get all hot and bothered when they "accidently" touch people. Have fun on the 15, we always do. 

Trichophilia – sexual arousal from hair

Next time you find yourself fixing your hair, manscaping or even just listlessly fiddling with your happy trail, know that the trichophiles creeping on you will soon need a change of underwear. They love all kinds of hair,  so it's OK if you go ahead and cancle your Dollar Shave Club subscription. 

Sitophilia – sexual arousal from food

Sitophiles love food, they love watching you eat it, and seeing it smeared all over your body. There are millions of websites dedicated to this, but sitting in a McDonalds for a few hours will usually do the trick. 

Maschalagnia – sexual attraction to armpits

Before you put on that neon salmon bro-tank, make sure there aren't any maschalagniacs around. They'll pop a boner at the sight of your armpit, and if they catch you re-applying your Old Spice, you'll be mental masturbation material for years to come.

There you have it, you're sexier than you ever thought you could be, and you only had to lift one finger. So, put it back in your nose and hop on the bus to the porn store. It's time we get a new tickler, the old one got wore out in Boston.