Time after time, you practice in front of the mirror, trying earnestly to perfect your dance moves so you can kill it up in da club with your homies. But, no matter how many "Step Up" movies you watch or how much rhythm your grandpa tells you that you've got, don't listen to him. He has glaucoma. You will never, ever be a better dancer than this completely horrific dancing animatron that's currently on display at the David Zwirner Gallery in New York City. But dancing's not the only thing this terrifying specter is better at you at …
Time after time, you practice in front of the mirror, trying earnestly to perfect your dance moves so you can kill it up in da club with your homies. But, no matter how many "Step Up" movies you watch or how much rhythm your grandpa tells you that you've got, don't listen to him. He has glaucoma. You will never, ever be a better dancer than this completely horrific dancing animatron that's currently on display at the David Zwirner Gallery in New York City. But dancing's not the only thing this terrifying specter is better at you at …
Behold:
We wouldn't be surprised if you never set foot on the dance floor again, or if that video burned your retinas to a bloody crisp.
But that total trumping of our dance prowess made us wonder … what else are robots better than us at? There's the obvious answers like not crying when their girlfriend says Jake Gylenhall is hot and being immune to herpes, but what other uniquely-human attributes do they one-up us at?
Well, for one …
1. Partying
Coca-Cola invented The Social Robot, an animatron that can party in your place if your broken leg or commitment to attend your stupid friend's stupid baby shower prevents you from being present at the festivities. It'll record the event for you, so you can relive all the funnest moments and reactivate your potentially fatal FOMO infection. And one thing The Social Robot does even better than record the party for you? Not get hungover, ever. So pass it a motor-oil daquiri and let's get saucy.
2. Being Italian
San Pelligrino designed the Italian Vacation Bot to give you a three-minute tour of Italy, a magical place that you're only familiar with from our nation's great pasta sauce commericals.
3. Painting, general self-expression
e-David is a robotic painter that can create one-of-a-kind paintings using five different brushes and a wonderworld of different colors. You are a human who can't draw a stick figure to save your life.
4. Twerking
Well, technically it's not just this robuttocks that's better at twerking than you, it's everyone. It's only a matter of time before Shiri, this twerk-master-supreme, hypnotizes you with her ass and enslaves you along with the rest of the human race.
5. Undoing years of
arachnophobia therapy
We paid good money for Dr. Bennet's help, and then this Spiderbot business comes along and ruins it all. It uses sensors and robotic legs to keep other people away from you in crowded places, making it ideal for concerts, nightclubs, and rendering your psychotherapy treatment complelely useless.
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