How can I bring up my virginity on dates without making it weird?

I think you might just have to flop it out there. People are way less judgmental than they used to be about sexuality. Make it fun. If it were me, I’d bring it up during the onion volcano at Benihana.


How do I stay motivated while everything I’ve been looking forward to is canceled?

Have you listened to the Rocky IV soundtrack? It’s pretty solid. We’re all in the same boat in terms of this. Try to think of it as saving money on things that really weren’t worth it to begin with. Concerts are just a really expensive way to smell a stranger's B.O. See what I mean? Now it doesn’t seem so bad. Hang in there.


Why are clothes so expensive?

Good question! I honestly don’t know. I bought two pairs of sweatpants at the grocery store and I’ve been wearing them everyday since March. I feel great about it!


What is the first thing you should notice about a person?

Whether or not they have two eyes. If they don’t, no biggie. But if I’m being honest, I always notice whether or not they have both eyes.


If you could go back in time and give yourself some advice, what would you tell your younger self?

1) Never let anyone else tell you what you should think is cool. 2) Nobody knows what they’re doing, we’re all just making it up as we go … and 3) Never eat shellfish before a flight.


Do you prefer action-packed vacations or relaxing on the beach?

Relaxing, for sure. Last “Action Packed” vacation I was on, I was the leader of an elite paramilitary rescue team on a mission to save hostages in guerrilla-held territory in Central America, we encountered a deadly Predator, a technologically-advanced alien who stalked and hunted us down. Lost some of my best friends on that trip. Apollo Creed, Jesse “the Body” Ventura. It was a nightmare.


Would you rather work four 10-hour days or five eight-hour days?



Mike can be found every Monday hosting Thick Skin at Comedy Works Downtown or on his new podcast “It’s a Blunderful Life.” Tweet @_aware_wolf or @roostermagazine with your most pressing queries about this thing we call life.


Mike Knows Best

People that post spoilers for a show that has been streaming for less than 24hrs are the same people that buy used cop cars. Congrats on trying to seem interesting. No one likes you.