How do I get over my fear of failure? 

 Well, as someone that has chosen a career in telling jokes to strangers for a paycheck & immediate gratification, my only advice is… to fail. A lot. Over and over again until the idea of failure becomes meaningless. Take risks, fail, shrug it off. Whoa, did I just give actual advice? Ew…gross.

I feel drowned by social media. How do I find a balance?

Stop following the same schmucks on every platform. This will cut down the redundant “feed vomit.” For instance, I check Twitter for jokes/news, Facebook to see classmates from high school fall apart and Instagram for all of the amazing influencers! Each platform has its lane. Pick the one that best fits your mood.

How can I deepen communication in my friendships?

What the fuck are you talking about? I don’t know… ayahuasca? 

Is it weird that I’m not really looking forward to things opening back and having to be around people again?

Not at all. I’m right there with you. Could you imagine waiting in line for a bathroom again…ever? Not doing it. Things that used to seem fun just gross me out now. We had to tell people, ADULTS, to wash their hands. I think about it all the time. Certain things need to be gone forever. Carnivals and water parks need to be burned to the ground. We spend all this time working to have a home, I’m trying to be there.

I recently went to dinner with a woman and ended up back at her place. I had to really use the bathroom (#2) once we got there. It was a first date. I’m positive she knew and I left shortly after out of embarrassment. It’s been 3 days. Should I call? 

Nah, man. You’re done. You broke the rule. Everyone knows you fake an “important call” and run to Wendy’s. You can’t pinch a brick upon arrival. Are you insane? …. Actually, I take that back. Text her and ask if she’s down for “date #2” and get back to me!

Settle a bet for me, what industry do you think was most affected by Covid-19 off the top of your head?

Easy! The kissing booth industry! My great grandfather was stationed in France during the war. While spending his time there, he discovered the art of “frenching.” Being a young entrepreneur he had the foresight that this would be all the rage brought to America. He had several brick and mortar booths all around this great country but thanks to Covid, my family's legacy is now nothing but a sloppy memory.