Experts don’t always agree on what makes the perfect meat slab sizzle, but there are a few things you’ll always want to remember if you want to make Guy Fieri weep Bar-B-Que tears of jealousy.


This step tends to be hotly contested in the steak world: whether or not to let a thing of meat sit out until it’s room temperature so it cooks evenly. Most science says it doesn’t really matter, however leaving it out opens the doors for bacteria, yet throwing it on cold could mean it will stick to hot surfaces. Either way, it’s up to you. Just don’t get sick.


A quick DIY or store bought spice rub is all you need for the pregame — anything more than that is overkill. “Spice rub the steak on one side only, cuz remember, we just wanna enhance the steak,” says chef person who knows things, Bobby Flay. “We don't wanna overpower the steak. Put it on the spice rub side down and leave it alone.”


The true mark of great grilling is knowing when to quit. Unless you’re a steak savant or some sort of delicious deity, this talent only comes with practice. Always know what type of meat you’re throwing down and use methods like the “squish test” or (dare we say) the cut-‘n’-look. Before you know it, you’ll be a natural.


Just like when you tried to prove to social media strangers that you’re better than they are by running a half-marathon, steaks need a chance to chill out when exerting themselves physically. “You should let all grilled steaks ‘rest’ for a couple of minutes on a hot platter,” says grilling god Steven Raichlen “This allows the meat to ‘relax,’ redistributing the juices. The result: a more tender, succulent steak."


Now that the wait is over, you can eat your art with a bunch of ketchup if you want to, but why? A properly spiced, cooked and rested piece of meat will be great on its own — maybe with a few dashes here or there of steak sauce for a little excitement in life. Most condiments overpower all the effort you just put into lunch and will likely make you seem incompetent to run a country if given the chance.


A report dropped by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention claims it’s not the chlorine in the pool that irritates your eyes to the point of insanity, it’s other people’s piss. “The nitrogen in the urine combines with the chlorine and it forms what’s known as chloramine and it’s actually chloramine that causes the red eyes,” says Michele Hlavsa, chief of the CDC’s healthy swimming program.
Pro Tip: the stronger the chlorine smell at a pool, the more filled with pee it is.