Do what you want, but I think you have the wrong idea of what it takes to raise one …
Let’s get the obvious out of the way first: Everyone should do whatever it is they want to do with their own bodies and shouldn’t have to explain or justify any of it.
But, I really feel bad for millennials that don’t want any children.
A recent story titled 9 Brutally real reasons why millennials refuse to have kids has blown the fuck up. Millions of people are visiting us to read various accounts of why a young generation is opting out of reproducing. With it has come the occasional negativity, but most people (women especially) are reacting positively towards the idea, agreeing with every word.
These day, lots and lots and lots of people don’t want to have kids.
That’s fair, but watching the ebb of vapid conversation from such a candid topic is a growing concern. “I just don’t want them,” should be enough for anyone to end a line of questioning. But increasingly, millennials are getting behind some bullshit-ass reasons to why they'd never plant the seed.
Like the world sucks now? I’m curious where that argument even comes from, unless it’s been ripped directly off of Donald Trump’s dad hat. When has the world ever not sucked? And if you had it your way — where a world does not in fact suck — what would you expect to be different?
Because I can assure you, even if we solve poverty issues and justice shortcomings, all while everyone receives free Blizzards each morning before not going to work because there are no jobs just happiness, there would still be hate, still be conflict and still be a reason for sorrow. It’s a natural proclivity to life, negativity is. Perception is what drives us to believe there is better, when the best is all we’ll ever have.
Kids aren’t expensive, either. Outlets like the Huffington Post throw around arbitrary numbers like $304,480 as the cost of raising one child in America. Whoever the fuck figured that out needs to be sent back to the intern closet. In no way should a child (if you have some creativity) ever cost that much.
The biggest factor in that number is housing. Like you’re not already living somewhere right now? Children don’t want 2,000 square feet of high-quality burber carpeting and stone countertops. They want love, a good meal and to play with lamp cords every once in a while.
Fuck out of here with a third of a million dollars to raise something. Do you want to know what’s really expensive? Brunch.
And new clothes.
And the latest electronic devices.
And traveling.
And going out every weekend.
And music festival tickets.
In a time when 20 or 30-somethings claim to be the poorest generation in recent history, there sure is a lot of expendable cash floating around spent on superfluous crap.
And I wouldn’t call having kids selfish, in fact it’s far towards the opposite. The moment that ‘thing’ comes out of a person you love, the world immediately shifts from a “give me” perspective to a “give them” one. It’s hard to explain, but suddenly you don’t care about looking your Insta-best when leaving the house. Because you want to make sure they’re fed and content first. Priorities.
You no longer go shopping for shit you want (within reason) because watching their face light up at the sight of a new toy, or juice box, or any other small facet of humanity, is worth far more than satisfying any other selfish pleasure, including travel.
When you get home, there are plastic Eiffel Tower trinkets with made in China stickers collecting dust waiting for you, or a hundred electronic blue thumbs up on your social feeds. I have my best friend running into my arms yelling “DADDY” because I’m the best moment of her life right then.
There isn’t a hidden island in the world, or festival lineup, that will ever replace that feeling. Guaranteed.
My daughter is beautiful because she’s made up of the DNA from two outrageously attractive people. We never sat down and thought we should make a person to see what she looks like, things just got out of hand one New Year’s Eve and now here she is. Allowing her to a life of ups and downs and experiential fortitude was the least selfish thing we could do.
Not giving her a chance because we wanted to pursue a flat-lined occupation in photography, or travel more so our Snapchat looks better, would have been immensely selfish. We put someone else in front of us this time — the very definition of compassion.
She’s going to grow up to be an incredible and unique individual because that’s our job now. There isn’t anything more important to her mother and myself than that. Unfortunately, some parents don't think the way we do, and raise some pretty miserable sacks of shit. But that’s not our business, she is. And from whatever awful things that happened to us in the past that built who we are now, is going to breed a much more intelligent, caring and hilarious person in a stronger foundation for future generations.
It’s life’s most consistent cycle.
When I say I feel bad for millennials not wanting children, I say so not because of the choices they’re making on their own free will, but of the circumstances that got us here to begin with. Compounding society has made it so people think they’re too poor, or unworthy, or insufficient enough to raise children. That's not fair. The option to have kids shouldn't have anything to do with exterior parameters.
Yet, all I see are excuses stemming from generations of people not feeling up to the rigors of life. Fear of the unknown. Apprehension of commitment. This isn’t because the new generation of leaders is inherently an entitled generation, or lazy, or worthless, as so many believe — it’s because they feel like all hope is lost.
It’s sad.
What I can assure you, is that some of your minds will change. That’s what time does. If you’re 23 and want to travel with a degree in art history and waste $200 a week on going out and brunch, do it. There isn’t any viable reason not to. But understand that at 23, you’ve yet to experience some of the things that will make you a solid 32. And so on.
The best thing to do is live right now. Enjoy existing. We’re all pretty lucky to be alive in a time where medicine fixes an insurmountable list of ailments, technology attaches us to the other side of the world from our pocket and White Castle actually comes in frozen boxes to have at home. It’s a fascinating time to be alive.
Soon enough, your kids might be saying the same thing.
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